Still Waiting On Those Really Important, Legitimate JFK Docs To Be Released By The Feds

Joe DiMaggio?

Unconfirmed photo of Joe DiMaggio in the window of the book depository on that fateful November day1 in 1963.

Not surprisingly, the Trump administration, despite telling the world he will comply with Grumpy Old Man in Chief and Butt Toucher in Chief Bush 41’s 1992 mandate and release all of the government’s JFK assassination documents, went back on their word and didn’t release all of the documents, instead telling folks that he is giving government agencies another 180 days to go through all these papers that they had 25 years to review.

What this really means, of course, is that you people will have to wait until April for the American government to finally confirm what we here at The Daily Quarterly told you years ago: that Joe DiMaggio had Kennedy killed. 

We can neither confirm nor deny that the Trump administration, or any other presidential administration from the past 50 years, have contacted TDQ Headquarters to “discuss” our findings and our “sources”. Let’s just say that we took a major risk telling you jokers this information, but that’s how we roll here. You all know this by now.

We would be failing not only you, our readers if we failed to produce the information we have obtained, we would be failing ourselves as journalists. And we’ll be damned if we prove to our journalism teacher that he was right. Not a chance in hell.

So just know that when we tell you that Joe DiMaggio, yes, that Joe DiMaggio, had JFK killed. And you will have all the supporting documents you’ll need once this administration fulfills its promises and releases the paperwork. We seem to recall this was a major campaign promise last year, and we’re sure going to hold this man’s feet to the fire to keep that promise. 

And we’ll look a little bit smarter than you already make us look.

You are now informed. Go and do likewise. 

Donald Trump Planning Broadway Musical About His Amazing Life

Trump The Musical

This is going to be the best musical. You are going to love this musical.

New York—Sources close to President-elect Trump confirmed yesterday that he has commissioned a musical to be written about his life, but it had nothing to do with a recent trip by Vice President-elect Mike Pence to Broadway to view mega-hit juggernaut “Hamilton.”

Trump has hired actor/musician Gary Sinise to write the musical, as well as the score, based on “the amazing, incredible, all-American, American dream tale of Mr. Trump’s incredible, amazing life,” said the source.

The musical will depict Trump’s humble beginnings as a street urchin during the French Revolution, followed by his short stint as a junkyard cat, leading into how he made his fortune by producing lousy Broadway plays, and touching on his time haunting an opera house and wooing Melania.

“We expect Mr. Sinise to finish up the play by next Tuesday, with casting being finalized and rehearsals starting by Friday, followed up by an off-Broadway run for a week or two in December, and finally selling out huge theaters on Broadway in plenty of time for the inauguration,” the source said. “You’re going to love the new show. It’s the best new show.”

Representatives for Gary Sinise confirmed the former “Forrest Gump” star was “fully committed and very excited” about completing the musical. “When you’re working with such an inspiring and incredible individual as Mr. Trump is, you’d have to try really hard to come up with a lousy show. It’s almost impossible to fail at this. It’ll be great.”

The source for Mr. Trump said the President-elect is already planning on installing a trophy case “for all of the Tony Awards, Drama Desk Awards, Grammy Awards and eventual Oscar award that the musical is bound to spawn. Just wait. If that tree-hugger non-president Al Gore can get himself an Oscar, this show will rack up. Mark my words.”

 

Illuminati: “Even We Had No Idea These Two Candidates Would Be So Incredibly, Destructively Polarizing”

Recent Illuminati MeetingA person close to the Illuminati admitted yesterday that even they had no idea how well both Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump would destroy the United States from within when both candidates were agreed upon by the secretive group to be chosen to represent the two major American political parties in the upcoming election. As much as the Illuminati have a tight grip and “near total control” and influence over every major world leader, the source said, they still could not foresee just how bad things will soon get for the US with one of these folks in charge of the nation.

“Oh, no, they’re screwed,” he said, referring to the populace of the United States. “Totally, utterly f—–. No question.”

Speaking on the condition of anonymity, because the clandestine organization has not publicly made any comment about the “dire, dire state the citizens of America find themselves in,” and also because if the Illuminati knew he were commenting about the existence of the society, they “would go medieval not only on me but on my whole family, like worse than Keyser Soze,” the source said the Illuminati hasn’t had to manipulate anything said or done on either side of the election since late in 2015.

“They’re doing it themselves, completely by themselves,” the source said. “It’s incredible how they both just keep doing things to feed the rift and the huge divide amongst the American public. It’s truly a thing of beauty to watch, if you are a fan of seeing the fabric of the American society and way of life implode on itself like a dying star.”

Between missing or lost or destroyed e-mails, or old tapes of misogynisitic rhetoric, or just the amount of lies spewed by both sides, “it’s like something out of our wildest dreams. They’ve done in just over 18 months what it has taken our small group more than 200 years to do: undermine any semblance of common ground, unity and hope for a functioning democracy. We truly can’t wait to see how this plays out. If a full-out civil war hasn’t broken out before Christmas, we’ll be shocked. New Year’s at the latest. Book it.”

“Whoever Takes Pictures Of Kittens In Human Clothes. I Love Those!:” A TDQ Q&A With Photojournalist Wally Lurz

Wally Lurz

Wally Lurz and his plus one.

This week, we speak to Emmy Award-nominated photojournalist Wally Lurz. Wally dishes about his close personal friends Donald Trump and President Obama, talks about the ups and downs of television news in South Florida and sends a message to George Lucas. Here is this week’s TDQ Q&A with Wally Lurz:

The Daily Quarterly: How did you hear about thedailyquarterly.com?

Wally Lurz: It was carved on the inside door of a truck stop bathroom stall. I had my smart phone with me and some time so I figured what the hell.

TDQ: How excited were you that The Daily Quarterly asked you for an interview?

Lurz: So excited, I stabbed my girlfriend in the eye. Well, not really. I mean, I was gonna stab her anyway this just got the ball rolling. And by girlfriend, I mean prostitute.
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Source: “The Donald” Just Wants To Be Loved, Is That So Wrong?

Trump

A rare candid shot inside Trump's office as he prepares for the day ahead.

New York—A source close to billionaire TV star and real estate mogul Donald Trump is speaking out about his possible presidential run and his recent controversial remarks, and insists that Trump “is just looking for the love and acceptance he never felt as a billionaire real estate developer or sports franchise owner.”

The source, who asked us not to reveal that he used to be an upper-level advisor in Trump’s Trump Organization until he “amicably resigned” February 11th of this year said that if most of the nation “knew him, really knew him, they’d say, ‘what’s so bad about this guy? He’s just a squirrel trying to get a nut like the rest of us.'”   Continue reading