Hooker Suing Charlie Sheen After His HIV Announcement: “I Have Nothing To Blackmail Him About Now”

Cheyenne Sienna, who did not want to be blurred but we insisted to protect our readers, is looking for new blackmail ideas.

Cheyenne Sienna, who did not want to be blurred but we insisted to protect our readers, is looking for new blackmail ideas.

West Hollywood, CA—A prostitute filed suit against HIV-positive actor Charlie Sheen yesterday, arguing that by announcing his status on “The Today Show” last week, he took away the only information she had that she could use to blackmail him with.

Cheyenne Sienna, whose real name is Tammy Debbie Farrah, said in her lawsuit, that by announcing to the world that he was HIV-positive, Sheen “blatantly, intentionally and with malice and forethought took away a revenue stream” that would have allowed her to hold this information over Sheen’s head for the foreseeable future.

“My client’s entire future now is in peril,” said Farrah’s attorney, Urban Myer. “This man, Mr. Sheen, completely took away any possibility of a stable future for Ms. Sienna and her three children. The shelf life for a young woman in her line of work is a short one. But he took it upon himself to tell the world, on national television, no less, rather than pay my client a substantial amount every month for the rest of his life for her silence. What he did is un-American. I’m disgusted. Literally disgusted.”

The suit is seeking damages for lost wages, pain, mental anguish, as well as punitive damages in the amount of $65 million.

Farrah said she got the news from her roommate when she she came home “from work” the other morning. “And then I seen it on the TV, and I was like, beside myself. I was literally beside myself. I don’t know how anybody could be so selfish. This is so surreal. It’s like a bad dream. I thought him and me had a good working relationship, you know? Like he was somebody I thought I could count on. I don’t-I’m not even sure that I’ll see him again next time he calls me for our regular Friday night session. I just don’t know.”

SeaWorld Caves To Crazy Animal Rights Activists And Agrees To Get Rid Of Killer Whale Shows; Will Replace Them With False Killer Whale Shows

New SeaWorld Promo

SeaWorld wants the activists to know they have won. The message is clear. No more killer whale shows.

San Diego—SeaWorld, in a move to rebuild its brand and combat declining attendance, announced yesterday that it will phase out its traditional Shamu show in San Diego and replace it with a show that is less about tricks and more about traditional entertainment, just with big, funny-looking fish.

Next year will be the last for the theatrical performances involving hoops and throwing fish and coming in 2017 will be what SeaWorld Entertainment describes as an entirely new orca experience, designed to take place in a more natural setting with brick background walls, microphones and two drink minimums. The announcement, made during a presentation by senior SeaWorld executives, is part of a multi-faceted effort by the Orlando-based company to refocus the public’s attention on its “conservation efforts” while also growing revenues and stabilizing the business of exploiting giant ocean-going creatures. And also to get PETA and the other animal rights nuts off their backs.

New SeaWorld Whale Show

The new show, which does not include killer whales, will be different from the circus fare of yesteryear. Instead false killer whales will be performing alternate stand up comedy routines with very frank and honest perspectives. But these whales also kill on stage! (But not like the killer whales.)

CEO “Billy” Joel Manby, who joined the company in March, was short on specifics as to what the new orca shows will entail. He did stress, however, with a straight face even, that the decision to appease the critics of the theme park was not conceived as a way to appease its critics.

In a bid to boost its sinking attendance, which plunged 17 percent last year, the company said it will bring a new, “very marketable” attraction that it is certain will make at least most of the jackass tourists who plunk down good money to watch what is essentially just a big aquarium happy for a few hours, and let them forget about their tiny little lives.

“The real whales, they get to retire and the ‘other, special’ whales, they get the attention they’ve so desperately been seeking for a long, long time,” Manby said. “It’s literally a win-win. Literally.”

TDQ Investigates: A New Single, “Faces,” From Our Close Personal Friend Erich Mrak

Faces - Erich MrakToronto—Once again, readers, we’re thrilled to bring you exciting entertainment news, since that’s what you rightfully expect from us. Tuesday, 11/3, Erich will release “Faces.”

Since August, 2014, Erich Mrak has been working day and night to complete his debut EP – “V”.

“Faces” marks the second official release from Erich Mrak’s new EP, “V”. Written and performed by Erich. Produced by Bento, “Faces” demonstrates Erich’s ability to create an upbeat, catchy song, and still tell a story. The music video incorporates realism, and the visualization of how Erich’s lyrics can relate to a variety of different people, in different areas of the world.

Find the audio link to “Faces” here : https://soundcloud.com/erichmrakmusic/faces-erich-mrak

Here’s the video for “Faces”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VpJvG_UffE
Find Erich’s first release, “Human” here : https://soundcloud.com/erichmrakmusic/human-erich-mrak-produced-by-bento
Erich Mrak
Erich Mrak

You are now informed. Go and do likewise.

Al Molinaro, Famous For Playing “Al,” Has Died

Al Molinaro

Al Molinari, right, on the set of RECOiL with writer/director/actor Brian DiMaio, left. Molinaro, who refused most movie roles that contained explicit language, or worse, played the role of a mob consigliere. Molinaro really took the foul language in the script and commenced to improv phrases so dirty he had to be cut from the film to avoid a NC-17 rating.

Glendale, CA—Al Molinaro, who portrayed everybody’s favorite diner owner Al Delvecchio on everybody’s favorite sitcom set in the 1950s that aired in the 1970s, “Happy Days,” died Friday. But good Lord, the man was 96.

Before he got into acting in the 1950s, he made a killing in the Southern California real estate game as a speculator. Our hero.

Al appeared on the big screen in the films, “Freaky Friday,” “RECOiL” and “Gridlock.”

Besides being in “Happy Days,” he also appeared in classic TV shows like “The Odd Couple,” “Get Smart,” “Joanie Loves Chachi” and “Punky Brewster.”

He is survived by his son Michael, his second wife Betty, and three grandchildren.

TDQ Investigates: Horrible Lyrics In “Austin” By “The Voice’s” Own Blake Shelton

Blake Shelton

In 2001 Blake Shelton had a whole lot of hat, a whole lot of hair, and a whole lot of dreams.

This latest edition of terrible lyrics come to us from Mr. former Miranda Lambert himself, Blake Shelton. We take a look at his 2001 career-making hit, “Austin.”

Here’s the opening stanza:

She left without leavin’ a number
Said she needed to clear her mind
He figured she’d gone back to Austin
‘Cause she talked about it all the time
It was almost a year before she called him up
Three rings and an answering machine is what she got

Now, we know many of our readers have no idea what an answering machine is. Let’s start there. Imagine a separate machine you hook up your landline phone to so people can leave a voicemail on your phone that you only leave at the house. Got it?

Answering Machine

Artist’s impression of what a 2001 answering machine may have looked like.

Here’s the next verse, imagine it like your outgoing greeting:

If you’re callin’ ’bout the car I sold it
If this is Tuesday night I’m bowling
If you’ve got somethin’ to sell, you’re wastin’ your time, I’m not buyin’
If it’s anybody else, wait for the tone,
You know what to do
And P.S. if this is Austin, I still love you

Austin Calling

Blake is pretty sure that only one person is going to be calling from Austin. But, consider this: 2001 was in the Austin Powers sweet spot between The Spy Who Shagged Me and Goldmember. If Austin Powers had been calling it would have been perfectly fine to say, “I still love you.”

Clever. But just think about the hassle of having to change your voicemail greeting more than just every time you upgrade your phone. Because it’s different just a few days later:

If it’s Friday night I’m at the ballgame
And first thing Saturday, if it don’t rain
I’m headed out to the lake
And I’ll be gone, all weekend long
But I’ll call you back when I get home
On Sunday afternoon
And P.S. If this is Austin, I still love you

We understand losing a girlfriend. But let’s think about it for a minute.

Seems to me like he’s got a real good thing going on. He bowls when he wants to, goes to the game on Friday night and spends his entire weekend at the lake. Reckon when was the last time he could do all that without running it by Austin herself or somebody else? Why give that up? It’s nuts.

The song ends with them finally talking on the phone. Remember, this was 2001, before Facebook and Twitter and even Instagram. It was way, way harder to stalk someone online back then. Maybe that was the attraction. Who knows.

We sure think he should have left well enough alone, though.

You are now informed. Go and do likewise.