Miley Cyrus Purchases 60% Stake In Benihana; Renaming Japanese Steakhouses “Benihana Montana”

Benihana-Montana

Cyrus says changes to the restaurant people know and love will be subtle, but, you will know them when you see them.

Miami—Pop star and former Disney starlet Miley Cyrus held a press conference yesterday to announce she had purchased a 60% stake in Japanese steakhouse chain Benihana, and the name of the restaurant will be changed to “Benihana Montana.”

“I’ve always enjoyed the food and the atmosphere here (at Benihana),” said Cyrus. “But it never occurred to me to buy the place until some old guy griped last spring about me cutting to the front of the line during a busy Saturday night so my girlfriends and I could get the chef we really liked. The dude goes, ‘Look at that tramp, dressed like that, walking in here like she owns the place!’ and that’s when I thought, Hey, that old man is right, I should try and buy this place!”
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TDQ Investigates: What Happened To The Story-Telling Peddler At The Beginning Of “Aladdin?”

Agrabah City

Flyers have been put up around Agrabah city. The Daily Quarterly vows to get to the bottom of this mystery. Or, at least, scratch the surface very deeply.

Of the several, nay, dozens of glaring plot issues we have with the Disney “classic” “Aladdin,” the one that we still lose sleep over to this very day is the unanswered question we have about the peddler who introduces the story at the beginning of the flick. They never revisit him at the end! He starts the story, but disappears by the time the credits roll. What the heck happened to him?

He was a rather important character, wasn’t he? At least at the beginning of the movie anyway. He started the whole film! That’s not an important enough gig to warrant a re-visit at the end of the movie? If it was a time issue, and Disney was all of a sudden worried about running long, they surely could have cut one of the dozens of grown-up Hollywood star impressions that Robin Williams did the entire movie that completely sailed over the heads of anybody under 12 in the theater.
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Disney Pulls Financing From Johnny Depp’s “Lone Ranger;” Disagreed With Depp’s Vision Of Tonto As A Pirate With Scissors For Hands

Tonto

Johnny's Depp's take on the Tonto character has been called derivative by some critics.

Los Angeles—Disney announced last week that they had cancelled plans to finance the upcoming “Lone Ranger” film with Johnny Depp slated to play Tonto. The reasoning Disney gave was that costs just kept rising, but a source close to both Disney and Depp has said that the real reason was Depp’s vision of the character of Tonto.

For months now, Depp had been lauded for saying Tonto would be less of a sidekick and more of a partner, raising the status of the Native American character from that of a broken-English-speaking lackey in the old films, and putting him equal with the main character. But it seems Depp had even more radical ideas about changes to Tonto.

“He saw Tonto as being a Native American pirate and having scissors for his hands,” the source said. “At first, Disney executives thought he was kidding and brushed it off. But Johnny had some photos taken of his vision, with him all made up like a pirate with scissor hands. When the suits at Disney saw the pictures, they lost it. They couldn’t pull the plug fast enough.”
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Now That Heat Have Lost The NBA Finals, Chris Bosh Can Concentrate 100% On Lawsuit Over Facebook Page Comparing Him To “Monsters, Inc.” Character

Chris Bosh

The Facebook fan page in question. The resemblance is uncanny.

Miami—Miami Heat “player” Chris Bosh might not have earned himself a championship ring, trophy, respect or anything else earlier this month, but he can take solace in knowing that losing the NBA Finals in six games gives him the opportunity to commit full-time to his pending lawsuit against the creator of a Facebook fan page comparing Bosh to “Randall” from the Disney-Pixar film, “Monsters, Inc.”

Lawyers for Bosh issued a statement regarding the lawsuit saying, “While Mr. Bosh certainly would have enjoyed winning his basketball matches and celebrating in Miami with his colleagues and hoisting the NBA Cup, he does find a measure of comfort in being able to concentrate completely in putting a stop to this childish, scandalous page on the social networking site known as ‘Facebook.’” Continue reading