Not surprisingly, the Trump administration, despite telling the world he will comply with Grumpy Old Man in Chief and Butt Toucher in Chief Bush 41’s 1992 mandate and release all of the government’s JFK assassination documents, went back on their word and didn’t release all of the documents, instead telling folks that he is giving government agencies another 180 days to go through all these papers that they had 25 years to review.
What this really means, of course, is that you people will have to wait until April for the American government to finally confirm what we here at The Daily Quarterly told you years ago: that Joe DiMaggio had Kennedy killed.
We can neither confirm nor deny that the Trump administration, or any other presidential administration from the past 50 years, have contacted TDQ Headquarters to “discuss” our findings and our “sources”. Let’s just say that we took a major risk telling you jokers this information, but that’s how we roll here. You all know this by now.
We would be failing not only you, our readers if we failed to produce the information we have obtained, we would be failing ourselves as journalists. And we’ll be damned if we prove to our journalism teacher that he was right. Not a chance in hell.
So just know that when we tell you that Joe DiMaggio, yes, that Joe DiMaggio, had JFK killed. And you will have all the supporting documents you’ll need once this administration fulfills its promises and releases the paperwork. We seem to recall this was a major campaign promise last year, and we’re sure going to hold this man’s feet to the fire to keep that promise.
And we’ll look a little bit smarter than you already make us look.
You are now informed. Go and do likewise.