Ryan Lochte Signs Deal To Write E-Book About Gas Station Ordeal At Rio Olympics

Ryan Lochte

Ryan Lochte’s book telling the story of that fateful night in Rio will only be electronic making it easier to change the story as needed.

New York—Random House Books confirmed hours of speculation yesterday by announcing that gold medal winning Olympic swimmer and “falsely accused innocent bystander” Ryan Lochte had signed a deal to write an e-book about his “terrifying six-minute ordeal” at a gas station in Rio De Janeiro last week.

Fort Lauderdale-based consumer class action attorney Jeffrey M. Ostrow said the investigation in Brazil is still ongoing as to exactly what led to his client being “extorted” at the gas station. But Lochte’s version of events, at least as of the writing of this article, said that he had a gun pointed at him, or near him, and he paid some money to somebody at the gas station, who may or may not have been an employee of the gas station. Or maybe a police or security official. But it was somebody who spoke Portuguese and wanted money for possible property damage that video footage shows he may or may not have caused.

Ostrow said his client stands behind the part of the story that Lochte actually was in Rio for the Olympics, and attended a party sometime on the weekend of August 13th. “That part of the story will never change.”

“We chose the medium of an e-book so that if Mr. Lochte’s version of events needs to be updated, or changed, or altered, it would be much easier to amend the facts as he sees them in e-book form, rather than in books already printed and bound” a statement from Random House said.

The terms of the contract were not disclosed, though a source close to Lochte said it “was like, for more than half a million dollars, Ryan told me. Then he told me an hour later that it was for like, more than five million dollars. So you know he is getting a lot of cake. Like, a lot.”

Likening the horror of the ordeal to “being like that movie ‘Midnight Express.’ Just like that,” Ryan’s pal said Lochte was concerned about his “front quadrant and stroke length, to use swim terms.

“Except nobody got killed and he wasn’t technically in a Turkish prison. But it was exactly like that except for that part. Literally just like that.”

Bode Miller Thinks Michael Phelps Underachieved In Regards To Partying On An Olympic Level

Bode Miller and Friends

This paparazzi photo from a recent Las Vegas weekend shows an introspective Phelps with the weight of the world, or at least all those gold medals, on his shoulders. Phelps was not invited to fellow Olympian Bode Miller’s star studded party held in a stretch Jacuzzi limousine parked in the fountain outside of the Bellagio hotel.

Nashua, NH—Uber-swimmer Michael Phelps may have left the 2012 Olympic Games in London as the most accomplished Olympic athlete of all time with 22 medals, but not everyone is so happy with his performance. Winter Olympics “athlete” Bode Miller said he wonders if the experiences Phelps had during his Olympics trips to Sydney, Athens, Beijing and London have really made him a better person overall.

“I mean, yeah, that’s great and all, 20 medals or whatever,” Miller said. “But, I mean, what sort of experiences are you bringing back from the Olympics, bro? How many other dudes and chicks did you meet and party with, you know? Is your life really enriched by medals? It’s about the dream of socializing and sharing experiences with other people from other walks of life in other countries, and the Olympics is really the best way to do that.”
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TDQ Investigates: Every Parent’s Nightmare-Having To Explain To My 3 Year-Old Daughter The Olympic Badminton Scandal


If children can’t look up to their Olympic Badminton heroes who can they look up to? One thing is for sure following this years Olympic Badminton scandal: There is going to be some redecoration. If anyone has any leads on some Xuerui Li bed sheets please leave some info in the comments.

My 3 year-old loves three things: “Mickey Mouse Clubhouse,” baby dolls and world class badminton. She especially loves, or rather loved, Yu Yang, the star of Chinese badminton.

Her room is covered in Yu Yang posters, her bed has Yu Yang sheets, she carries around a Yu Yang doll in a Yu Yang backpack. She brushes her teeth with a Yu Yang toothbrush.

But last week when Yu Yang and her partner decided to tank their match so that they could manipulate the seedings of the badminton Olympic event and avoid having to square off against the other Chinese team until the finals, it exposed the horrible underbelly of elite badminton play.
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Our Bad

She’s not with us. We think she’s an intern at Newsweek.

Boy, that weekend just flew by. Oof! Word of advice, don’t ever attend a journalism conference and then let some reporters from Newsweek talk you into doing shots at 9 pm during the vault competition of the Olympics. Something tells us they knew that that mean-looking American girl had already lost the gold medal before they made that bet with us…

Anyway, we apologize for those of you (most of you, clearly) who came here today looking for TDQ Tech. We were, um, a little sidetracked this weekend, and somewhat, maybe a little hung over this morning. Boy that sun is bright here in Chicago on a Monday morning.

But we learned a lot this weekend, and fully plan to put in place all the great journalistic tips we picked up. So we have that going for us, which is nice. And tip number one, have a little of the hair of the dog…

You are now informed. Go and do likewise.

TDQ Tech For The Week Of 4/23/12

The GrinderyIn this week’s TDQ Tech, The Grindery boys present a piece about the Olympics and one about another huge purchase by that Facebook cat, Zuckerberg.

Finally got around to watching that “Social Network” flick. I liked Zuckerberg better in that “30 Minutes or Less” movie, I think. Which one was he nominated for an Oscar for? One of those, or the Zombie one with Woody Harrelson? I always get my Woody Harrelson movies mixed up.

You are now technologically informed. Go and do likewise.