800% Increase In Car Thefts Blamed On New City Ordinance Prohibiting People From Entering City Buildings With Keys In Their Pockets

Keys

Don't think keys can be dangerous? You haven't been shopping at the Karlsfield, VT locksmith.

Karlsfield, VT—City officials are in full defense mode as local residents demand answers after a rash of car break-ins and thefts follows a new city ordinance that no longer allows citizens to bring keys into buildings, citing a security threat.

Last month, City Manager Kevin Miles instituted a ban which prohibited people who enter City Hall and any other city-owned building from bringing in keys. But no alternative place was provided by the city for people to leave their car keys, so many citizens ended up leaving them in their car.

Miles said it was his understanding from “the internet or somewhere” that keys “posed a safety, health and security risk” when used certain ways, and he’s merely doing his job, protecting the people of Karlsfield, though he really couldn’t recall where he read that. Continue reading

City In Trouble Over Community Shredding Event That Led To Documents Being Sold To Unknown Third Party Instead Of Being Destroyed

Karlsfield, VT Community Paper Shredding Event - 2012

Volunteers were careful to separate the material brought to the Karlsfield, VT community paper shredding event very carefully.

Karlsfield, VT—In an odd twist that the town’s city manager called an “unfortunate” mishap, nearly every piece of paper brought to a recent city event designed to help residents destroy old documents with their personal and confidential information ended up in the hands of “an unknown third party” rather than being destroyed or recycled.

Last Monday, more than 3,000 Karlsfield residents brought tons of credit card statements, pay stubs, investment paperwork and other documents with varying personal information on it to be shredded by the city. But the trucks containing most of the paperwork that wasn’t shredded onsite (about 90% of what was brought), turned out not to be from the Burlington paper mill the city said would end up with the paper. Who did it really belong to? No one is sure, apparently.
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New England City Evacuated Over Concerns Of Russian Satellite Falling Back To Earth-Somewhere In The Indian Ocean

Karlsfield-Phobos-Grunt

Despite the evacuation Karlsfield remains space debris free.

By: Fred DiMaio

Karlsfield, VT—Within hours of the news last month that an unsuccessful Russian space probe would be falling back to Earth, likely somewhere in the Indian Ocean, the local government in this northern Vermont town made plans to evacuate.

“The likelihood of that thing hitting any part of this city is close to probable,” said local space junk expert, Leslie Harrington-Jones. Harrington-Jones has been tracking the Phobos-Grunt Mars capsule online since it was launched last November.

It never achieved space orbit , “a minor setback” as quoted by the Russian Spacecraft Control Entity.
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City Looking Into Selling Ad Space For Police Cars, Ambulances, To Raise Money

Karlsfield, VT Ambulance Service

While some people might find the advertisements in poor taste the fact is that there is no better place for personal injury ads.

Karlsfield, VT—Desperate times call for desperate measures, and in this northern Vermont town, it looks like it’s time to break down and allow sponsorships and ads to be prominently displayed on City vehicles and police cars in an effort to increase city revenue. Next week, the City Council will vote on a proposal by City Manager Kevin Miles that would allow businesses and organizations to buy ad space on vehicles owned and operated by The City of Karlsfield.
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Former Attorney Starting School Showing Students How To Act Like An Auto Accident Victim

Karlsfield, VT—Former Vermont plaintiff attorney Mitch Arquette may not be able to practice law anymore, but that doesn’t mean he can’t put his twenty-plus years of legal knowledge to good use and help people who get into minor accidents in New England.
 
Fresh off a six-month jail term, Arquette, who earlier this year started up the country’s first lawyer referral service referral service hotline, has opened up a school to teach car accident victims “the sweet science of faking soft tissue injuries.”

 

What do you think about a school that teaches you how to fake an injury from an auto accident?

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The “Arquette’s Injuries Academy” website says his school can teach people how to keep their back and neck stiff, how to walk slowly and grimace, how not to “oversell it,” and how to be consistent when complaining about their injuries. Continue reading