Great Paying Jobs That Don’t Require A College Degree

We here at TDQ went to college. We got college degrees. Our wives got degrees. Does that make us all suckers? Maybe. More and more, we see high-paying jobs out there that don’t require a college degree. And the money the people in these careers are making makes us sick. Just sick.

What kinds of jobs are out there for folks without a degree? How about:

If you don't play you can't win.

If you don’t play you can’t win.

Professional lottery winner Three winning tickets were sold in that billion-dollar Power Ball drawing last year. And you know the best thing about being a professional lottery winner? They don’t check your resume when you hand over your wrinkled cash and coins. They could care less if you went to college. Not a bad gig.

LeBron James

I don’t think King James I went to college. Why should LeBron James?

Professional basketball player “Lebron” King James earned $71 million between his salary and his off the court endeavors. Not too shabby for a cat who never even spent a second mulling over completing college applications.

Robert Downey Jr.

If it were legal we would snort some Robert Downey Jr…and hopefully absorb some of his talent and work ethic.

Hollywood movie star Do you have any idea how much money Robert Downey, Jr. made in 2015? Eighty million dollars. Say that out loud. Eighty million dollars. Jealous? He never went to college. Hell, he never even graduated from high school!

Tiffany Trump

Ivanka, Donald Jr. and Eric went to college, but Tiffany will, likely, outlive them all since she is, like, half their age.

Heir to a major family fortune Your parents may threaten you about getting a degree, or else they’ll cut off the trust fund. But studies show that nearly 94% of those threats go unfulfilled. We like those odds.

Professional PlaintiffProfessional plaintiff If your attorney has done all the legwork and gotten a degree, you surely don’t have to. Can you handle a little bit of hot coffee being poured on you? Can you slip and fall with the best of them? Fine with being rear-ended at a stop light? Then make a call to your attorney and watch the money start rolling in. Easy as pie.

Doesn’t this list of jobs give you hope for your future? Who needs a college degree? These folks prove that anybody can make a great living without a silly piece of paper.

Runners’ Group Files Class Action Suit Against “Non-Runners Who Blatantly Lie About Completing Marathons And Have The Unmitigated Gall To Put ‘13.1’ And ‘26.2’ Stickers On Their Vehicles”

Auto Ovals

People no longer have to seek out unscrupulous individuals and buy a bumper sticker in a back alley from a trench-coated sticker smuggler. Today someone can leisurely buy whatever bumper stickers they want from the comfort and safety of their own home from any one of hundreds of unregulated websites. With a couple of clicks and zero background checks one could purport that they ran a full marathon and motored around France.

Carlsbad, CA—Lawyers for a large contingent of marathon and other long-distance runners have filed a lawsuit against what they call “non-runners and flat out liars” who put decals on their cars displaying “13.1 and 26.2 without ever so much as putting a pair of Saucony’s on their fat, lazy feet.” The suit, which just yesterday achieved class action status, is seeking damages in the amount of “between $13.1 million and $26.2 million. Two can play at that game.”

A spokesman for the runners’ group, calling themselves “You can run, but you can’t hide,” said it’s insulting to those who train on a daily basis for the rigors of marathons and half marathons to see stickers on vehicles belonging to people who clearly haven’t ever run in a 5K, let alone “a real challenging run.”

“They, just, they put these decals on their cars, on their gas guzzling trucks for God’s sake,” said marathoner Declan Carson, “without any thought whatsoever about all the hard work and sweat and bleeding nipples and dedication that goes into actually competing these runs. If it were up to me, they’d be tied to the back of those very cars and dragged along for 13 or 26 miles. But I’m no lawyer.”

Carson said they are considering adding running stores to the suit, to punish the retail outlets who sell the decals to people “without actually confirming whether or not the purchasers have, in fact, run the distance in a competitive manner of the sticker they’re purchasing. That ought to be against the law also, but we haven’t been successful in getting a measure like that on the ballot. Maybe after this November, we can get somebody in the White House who understands how detrimental these actions really are to people like me. But that may be a pipe dream. But I mean, how would parents feel if I put some stick figure family on my back window consisting of a father and mother and three annoying stick figure babies when I don’t actually have a family of my own? It’s the exact same thing. But I have the integrity not to do something so brash and arrogant.”

Hooker Suing Charlie Sheen After His HIV Announcement: “I Have Nothing To Blackmail Him About Now”

Cheyenne Sienna, who did not want to be blurred but we insisted to protect our readers, is looking for new blackmail ideas.

Cheyenne Sienna, who did not want to be blurred but we insisted to protect our readers, is looking for new blackmail ideas.

West Hollywood, CA—A prostitute filed suit against HIV-positive actor Charlie Sheen yesterday, arguing that by announcing his status on “The Today Show” last week, he took away the only information she had that she could use to blackmail him with.

Cheyenne Sienna, whose real name is Tammy Debbie Farrah, said in her lawsuit, that by announcing to the world that he was HIV-positive, Sheen “blatantly, intentionally and with malice and forethought took away a revenue stream” that would have allowed her to hold this information over Sheen’s head for the foreseeable future.

“My client’s entire future now is in peril,” said Farrah’s attorney, Urban Myer. “This man, Mr. Sheen, completely took away any possibility of a stable future for Ms. Sienna and her three children. The shelf life for a young woman in her line of work is a short one. But he took it upon himself to tell the world, on national television, no less, rather than pay my client a substantial amount every month for the rest of his life for her silence. What he did is un-American. I’m disgusted. Literally disgusted.”

The suit is seeking damages for lost wages, pain, mental anguish, as well as punitive damages in the amount of $65 million.

Farrah said she got the news from her roommate when she she came home “from work” the other morning. “And then I seen it on the TV, and I was like, beside myself. I was literally beside myself. I don’t know how anybody could be so selfish. This is so surreal. It’s like a bad dream. I thought him and me had a good working relationship, you know? Like he was somebody I thought I could count on. I don’t-I’m not even sure that I’ll see him again next time he calls me for our regular Friday night session. I just don’t know.”

Mom Suing Disney, Pretty Much Everybody Involved With “Frozen,” Because Her Child Demands To Watch It Over And Over And Over

For the small price of $10,000 you can purchase Disney's dedicated Frozen player to allow your children to watch Frozen uninterrupted for up to 28 days.

For the small price of $10,000 you can purchase Disney’s dedicated Frozen player to allow your children to watch Frozen uninterrupted for up to 28 days.

San Jose, CA—It seems the latest Disney musical mega-hit “Frozen” is making headlines in the legal world as well. A single mother of a 2 year-old has filed a lawsuit against Disney, Kristen Bell, Idina Menzel, Josh Gad and the descendants of Han Christian Anderson, on whose fairy tale the film is based.

“Every —damn time we’re in the —damn car, all she wants to listen to is that —damn ‘Frozen’ soundtrack,” said Regina Stiller, 19. “And she must have watched the stupid movie like, literally a bajillion times at her Memaw’s house, or her daddy’s house, or her daddy’s Memaw’s place. Thank God my Blu-Ray is broke, so we don’t have to watch it when she stays with me.”

Stiller’s attorney, Bruce Fillion, said his client has a tremendous case against Disney, as “their calculated, diabolical marketing strategy, as well as the inherent ‘entertainment value’  associated with the film, has made it impossible, impossible, for my client to have a moment’s peace while she drives her small child back and forth to daycare and her family’s house. My client can’t tell her no, what sort of parent would she be if she did that? Her only recourse is to pursue Disney to recover the damages she is clearly due.”

Stiller said Disney’s actions have forced her to purchase all new bed sheets, posters and toys featuring the characters from “Frozen,” putting her in a terribly precarious position, what with her modest income as a beauty school student.

Fillion said he fully expects this suit to become a class action. “I personally have not yet had the, um, pleasure of having children, but from what the paralegals in my office have said, and they all have children themselves for some reason, apparently this thing is running rampant, and is totally driving parents up the wall all across the country. Disney better watch out.” Continue reading

Granddaughter of Andrea Doria Shipwreck Survivor Sues Over “Seinfeld” Episode

The Andrea Doria

Leann Braverman, Andrea Doria survivor relative, is hoping the ship can provide one last life raft in the way of a cash settlement as she is sinking in debt.

Los Angeles—The granddaughter of a survivor of the Andrea Doria shipwreck from 1956 has filed suit against Jerry Seinfeld, Larry David and Sony over emotional distress brought on by the classic “Seinfeld” TV episode that “pokes fun in a malicious and callous manner at one of the worst maritime tragedies the world has ever known.”

Leann Braverman, 32, whose grandfather was a passenger on the Andrea Doria and survived the incident, said in her lawsuit that she has suffered irreparable emotional damage from watching the episode, has lost sleep and can’t maintain a relationship.

“Whenever my client watches the episode on TV, as it often airs in syndication,” said Braverman’s attorney, Neil Candelaria, “or watches it on DVD, she is overwhelmed with feelings of anxiety, fear, mental anguish and depression over the egregious disregard for the incident shown by not only the characters in the episode, but by the writers and creators of the program, as well as Sony Pictures, who owns the rights to the show.”
Continue reading