Alleged Long-Lost Descendant Of Francis Scott Key’s Suing Over Back Royalties For “The Star-Spangled Banner”

One thing Francis Scott Key and alleged relative Roger Cadwallader have in common: they were both detained on a ship at one time in their lives.

Baltimore, MD—A man claiming to be a distant relative of National Anthem writer Francis Scott Key filed lawsuits yesterday in federal court against Major League Baseball, the National Football League and the National Basketball Association for “a bajillion dollars,” for unpaid royalties “spanning literally decades” over the use of “The Star-Spangled Banner” being played or sung prior to the beginning of professional sporting events.

Roger Cadwallader, 28, said he filed the lawsuit because “these fat cats have been screwing me and my family over for far too long, and I’m done letting them play the song that my great uncle, or great great grandfather, whatever he was, the song that he worked so long and hard and, truth be told, risked his life to compose. He nearly died in that cell on that ship out in the ocean writing that poem, and me and my family have never seen one dime from any sports association. Nothing. Well the rooster has come home to roost now, people.” Continue reading

Woman Files Lawsuit Against Woman For Stealing Her Idea To File Lawsuit Against James Cameron For Ripping Off “Titanic”

Edward Smith

We can assume Captain Edward Smith took his own advice.

Los Angeles—A California woman has filed a lawsuit against another California woman who recently filed a lawsuit against James Cameron alleging he stole her idea for his mega-blockbuster hit “Titanic.”

The suit brought by Michaela Tezanos alleges that a suit brought last month against Cameron by Princess Samantha Kennedy was actually her idea first, and that the 16-page handwritten lawsuit filed by Kennedy that detailed how James Cameron and Paramount used many of her ideas as inspiration for dozens of the film’s most famous scenes, was stolen directly from Tezanos’ journal, which she keeps on her nightstand next to her autographed picture of Titanic captain Edward Smith.
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TDQ Tech For The Week Of 2/20/12

The GrinderyIn this week’s installment of TDQ Tech, The Grindery brings you the story of one giant corporation being sued by a gianter corporation, and a piece on reaction to slow sales of Nintendo’s 3DS.

We still get tickled when we think about that “Asus” commercial too. Crazy-funny.

You are now technologically informed. Go and do likewise.

Losing “Jeopardy” Contestant Files Lawsuit To Prevent Episode Of His Horrible, Horrible Performance From Being Aired

David Perrin:  Jeopardy Embarrassment

This grainy cellphone picture is alleged to be the only evidence of David Perrin's embarrassing Jeopardy performance besides the HD recording Perrin is fighting to make sure never sees the light of day.

Albuquerque, NM—For years now, David Perrin’s been telling his wife he was smart enough to get on “Jeopardy,” and that he was smart enough to win big on it. It turns out he was half right. But unfortunately, if he and his attorney have their way, neither his wife nor the American viewing audience will ever see Perrin crash and burn like no other contestant in the history of the storied program.

Perrin’s attorney has filed an injunction against “Jeopardy” that will prevent the show from airing and allowing the world to see Perrin fail more spectacularly than anyone ever thought possible on the quiz program.
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Junior College Student Files Lawsuit Against Returning Soldier After Soldier Blew Surprise Homecoming Student Worked So Hard To Orchestrate

Homecoming ruined.

This soldier's homecoming was ruined, but only from the perspective of megalomaniac and event coordinator Sprax Sprewell. Everyone else seemed to enjoy it.

Portland, OR—When 19 year-old Portland Community College student Sprax Sprewell agreed to help a local soldier surprise his family upon his return from Iraq last month, he thought he was setting the stage for a good grade from his ethics teacher as well as doing something nice for the soldier’s family. But when the excitement of the moment overcame Staff Sgt. James Travis, he blew the surprise and rushed to greet his wife, newborn son and three year-old, “shooting all to hell” the planning and hard work Sprewell had put into the ruse.
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