Sources: House Staff Says Tiger Woods Doing Just Fine As Normal, Everyday, Typical Stay-At-Home Dad

Tiger Woods At Home

Dozens of Tiger Woods staff members will tell you he lives just like a regular guy.

Jupiter Island, FL—Anonymous sources close to the live-in staff who work with pro golfer Tiger Woods have told  The Daily Quarterly that the oft-injured Woods, who is recovering from yet another surgery on his back from 2015, has adapted “relatively well, all things considered,” to being a regular stay at home dad.

“A lot of men, when they can’t earn a living the way they’re used to doing it, they have a really hard time adjusting to life at home, all day every day,” said an associate of one of Woods’ valets. “But Tiger really has adapted pretty well. It was really a surprise.”

Woods, who reports say flew around the world on private jets and stayed in luxury hotels while playing on the world’s best golf courses, has been able to adjust to not having tournament officials and caddies wait on him hand and foot, said a good friend of Wood’s live-in butler.

“He gets up early, just like he did when he worked,” said the source. “He makes sure the nanny gets the kids up and fed, and then he and the chauffeur get the kids off to school.” The source also said that Woods “makes sure the cook has the kids’ lunches packed and ready for their tutor to carry for them at school.”

And Woods isn’t content to just sit around watching soap operas all day. “He gets some work in on his golf projects since he can’t go out and practice 16 hours a day like he did 12, 15 years ago. Woods will video conference with the staff of his course design company if he isn’t able to fly to Dubai or Monte Carlo if he has the kids that week. Just like any other good dad.”

“The one guilty pleasure he does have is watching ‘Maury’ every afternoon,” the source said. “He’ll watch it with just a housekeeper or two, sometimes the gardener, in his 40-seat theater room on the 200-inch projection TV. Just like your typical dad, he loves seeing if the dudes on there are indeed the baby-daddies or not. He really digs that. Sometimes he’ll mention that he knows one of the women on the show, too. It’s hilarious. Then he’s really happy when the dude is found out to be the daddy. He laughs and laughs and laughs when that happens.”

President’s Cup Team Taking A Page From Solheim Cup Team’s Playbook, Donning Red, White And Blue Face Paint And Hair Bows

President's Cup 2013

This year’s President’s Cup team is taking a page from the Solheim Cup team’s playbook and sprucing themselves up for the event.

Ponte Vedra, FL—Having decided they were impressed with the vibe and feeling exuded by the US Women’s Solheim Cup team this year, the male professional golfers competing in the 2013 President’s Cup team golf tournament decided they, too, would paint their faces in patriotic colors and wear USA-themed ribbons in their hair.

It will certainly be a different look, the US team captain said, but he got very excited once he could tell the team was acting as one in the decision.

“I wasn’t positive they would all buy into it, but once the boys saw Tiger (Woods) wearing an American flag sticker on his cheek, they were all in” said captain of Team USA, Fred Couples.

Couples said he decided to put all his cards on the table once the whole team was finalized, but had been toying with the idea for years before he was named captain.

“I, just, you know, was trying to think of a way to shake things up some, you know,” Couples said. “I had met Paula (Creamer, one of the members of the 2013 US Solheim Cup team) at a commercial shoot a while back, and we got to talking about the girls’ team spirit and who does whose hair before their matches. And it made me think. I mean, Phil (Mickelson) and Duf (Jason Dufner) have hair long enough to put red, white and blue bows and ribbons in, not to mention Sneds (Brandt Snedeker).”
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At Long Last Spring

"You are now informed.  Go and do likewise."Man, what a lousy winter that was. Just awful. Brutal all across the board. Thanks for nothing, Punxsutawney Phil.

But don’t worry. We here at The Daily Quarterly have seen you through it, and now with spring finally here, the sky’s the limit. Things are looking up.

Shake off that snow, change out that heavy coat for a nice cardigan in your closet a-la Mr. Rogers, and get ready to get back in the ball game.

Have faith that that long winter’s nap will lead to good things, good news and a renewed sense of awesomeness.

Don’t be held back by the cold, bitter, dark reality that faces you each and every morning and slaps you across the mouth before it spits in your coffee. You’re better than that. Probably. Maybe.
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TDQ Investigates: This Banning Anchor Putting By The USGA and R&A Is A Crock

Anchor Putt Ban

Golf insiders are hard at work trying to find exceptions to the proposed anchor putt rule change.

Boy I’m mad. Steamed. And I know everybody who reads The Daily Quarterly feels the exact same way I do. Unlike politics, or religion or who was the better James Bond, we can all agree, every single one of us, that the decision last week arbitrarily handed down by the USGA and the R&A banning anchoring clubs to players’ bodies on golf courses beginning in 2016 is ridiculous and just flat out wrong. I could hear all of your Twitter feeds blowing up just like mine did, and I heard your voices collectively saying when you heard the news, “What’s The Daily Quarterly’s opinion on this? I need to know!”

Well here it is: The decision stinks. Continue reading

“I’m Hoping This Gets Me Some Endorsements:” A TDQ Q&A With Sports Writer Ed Sherman. Part 2

Ed Sherman

Who reports on the sports reporters? Ed Sherman does. The answer was there the whole time.

TDQ: Tell us about your golf show, Score Card, on WSCR 670 The Score in Chicago.

Sherman: We just finished our third year. We air from March through September from 6-8 a.m. I have a lot of fun with my co-host, Steve Olken. We both love the game, even though the game rarely loves us back. We talk about all things golf, which is the great thing about golf. Unlike football (when was the last time you put on the pads?), people watch the pros play on Sunday and then go out and play the same game on Monday.

TDQ: How do you explain to golf fans like me what the hell happened to the US Team at the Ryder Cup this year? I personally got the impression that every US player (especially Phil) felt on Sunday that somebody else on the team would earn the point that they just lost, so nobody panicked until it was too late.

Sherman: Probably something to that. Let’s not forget the Euros played out of their minds. They couldn’t miss a putt. Justin Rose making bombs at the end to beat Mickelson? C’mon.
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