The Daily Quarterly has acquired this alleged market research questionaire.
By: Fred DiMaio
London—A source close to the British office of Hollywood’s MGM Studios has not denied that “a woman from the village of Hydesmythe-on-Thames might or mightn’t have been signed by the studio to write a series of books, likely in the neighborhood of seven or eight.” According to the source, who is NOT a producer-type, “one year after we make a movie based on some kid who comes from a dysfunctional family and who goes on great adventures to save the world, she will write a best-selling book.”
While the process seems a bit cumbersome, perhaps even backwards, the source explained, “those folks who signed that Rowling bird started this whole mess. We are blooming well trying to catch up with all the money they got from the movie rights BEFORE anyone can scoop this writer out from under us. Don’t matter to us if the bloody book itself doesn’t sell, as long as kiddies go bonkers over the movie, merchandise, video games and toys. Have you any clue how much quid they’ve raked in over those ‘Potter’ books?”
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