The Thorough, In-Depth “Star Wars Episode VIII ‘The Last Jedi'” Movie Review We Promised You, And The Internet Needs And TDQ Readers Deserve

Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Spoiler Alert: People are better off with Luke in their life.

On occasion, with the help of certain Canadian super agents we know who live in Los Angeles, we get invites to various movie premieres and awesome parties. But we didn’t want to big-time you, our readers, when experiencing the latest “Star Wars” flick. We wanted to experience it the same way as you coal miners, dishwashers and blue-collar workers that make up our core audience: in the trenches with tickets we bought ourselves, with holes in the seats and dried Coke on the floor. 

And so we went opening night to experience the latest installation of the saga and sat in the last row of the theater at a 10:30 showing on a regular, non-Imax, non-3D screen.

And it was pretty good. It was by far the funniest “Star Wars” film. No doubt. Keep reading for the plot, and at the end of the piece, I’ll give you all the spoilers you can handle. 

We must admit we never saw the beginning of this film coming at the end of the last one. When Rey finds Luke at the top of his island mountain home that the Swiss Family Robinson would envy, he is so depressed at how Ben Solo/Kylo Ren turned out and all the mistakes he made over the course of his life, that he is this close to ending it all. He is certain that everyone in his life would have been better off if he’d never been born.

But in comes his guardian angel, Rey. She spends the next 152 minutes showing Luke exactly how worse off everyone would have been had he not been born: his wife Mary would have been a spinster all her life; his old boss, Mr. Gower, would have done time when he botched a prescription for a kid’s medicine had Luke not caught it; and all those people on the Navy transport that his little brother saved by shooting down that kamikaze pilot would have died had Luke not jumped in the frozen lake to save him when they were kids. 

I somehow glossed over a lot of the important stuff in Luke’s early life, I guess I need to go back and watch the other films this weekend. 

But overall, Rey does a great job showing Luke why he shouldn’t jump off that bridge, earning her own wings in the process. It was a truly feel-good movie all around. 

Now for the promised spoilers:

The identity of Supreme Leader Snoke is revealed. He is Keyser Soze.

“Rosebud” is shown to be the name Luke gave to his lightsaber. 

We find out who Rey’s parents are thanks to an unexpected cameo by Maury Povich. They are Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark.

“Star Wars Episode I” is shown to be, in reality, just a long dream experienced by Pamela Ewing. The movie ends with Patrick Duffy in the shower. 

If you do end up ruining the movie for your loser friends before they watch it, go ahead and blame Jar Jar Binks. That’s what we do. 

You are now informed. Go and do likewise. 

Selena Gomez So Desperate To Stay In The Spotlight That She Steals Kidney From Her Best Friend

Selena Gomez

Selena Gomez, mobbed by fans, leaving her hospital room wearing a very elegant Dior hospital gown.

In a scene reminiscent of Tom Cruise’s “Minority Report,” (I think it was that one. The scene where he is blind and moving around that apartment holding onto strings that lead him to the fridge but he grabs the spoiled milk instead of the fresh milk. That one. That movie. Is that “Minority Report?” Or is it “Vanilla Sky?” No, it couldn’t be “Vanilla Sky.” I never watched “Vanilla Sky.” Which is weird, because I usually watch all of Cameron Crowe’s movies. I even enjoyed “Singles.” But I never watched “Vanilla Sky.”) pop princess and former would-be wizard Selena Gomez had a kidney transplant recently, with the help of her best friend, Francia Raisa. (I thought Demi Lovato was her best friend. Hmmmm. I must be getting old. I can’t keep track anymore). 

Gomez suffers from lupus, and needed a kidney. The operation was performed earlier this summer.

Selena Gomez

Selena Gomez, post kidney surgery, pushes through the throngs of admiring fans. Paparazzi we surprised by the backless Dior hospital gown which put Selena’s surgery scar in plain view.

(Dammit, this is really going to bug me. I guess I ought to go and stream “Minority Report” and confirm if that’s the thing I’m thinking of. But it’s so depressing that his kid gets killed. I can’t watch movies like that anymore. I still haven’t watched “Mystic River” or “Gone Baby Gone.” I can’t do it. And I like Casey Affleck’s films. I say his films, because he clearly is a jerk. From what I’ve read. He was okay in “The Coward that Shot Jesse James” or whatever the heck it was called. That was a long movie, though. And as usual, Garret Dillahunt was good in that movie. He’s good in every movie he’s in. I really enjoyed him in “No Country for Old Men.” That was good. Incidentally, I asked around the office who would give me a kidney if I needed it, and suddenly everybody had a meeting to go to, even the interns. Except one intern, Matt. He said he’d give me a kidney. But that kid drinks Mountain Dew and Red Bulls non-stop. Like literally. Thanks, but no thanks, Matt.) 

But we wish Selena and her bestie, whoever she is, a speedy recovery.

Erich Mrak Says Goodbye To Summer And Hello To A New Single With “Summer Dealer”

Toronto— You wanted it, and our close, personal Canadian pal Erich Mrak delivered. 

With 2017 past the halfway point, Erich delivers an anthem to celebrate the closure of summer through clouded vocals, and intricate production. Written by Erich, and produced by his in-house producer, Bento, the duo delivers a fresh sounding single for the end of the summer. 

 

Link to “Summer Dealer’ : https://soundcloud.com/erichmrakmusic/summer-dealer-erich-mrak/s-AhtOU.

Cover art done by Martin Nombrado.
(https://www.instagram.com/bra.deau/)
Photo’s taken by Sara Knowles & Smvrk. 
(sara.knowles85@gmail.com, https://www.instagram.com/smvrk).

Contact for all inquiries (bookings, management, ect,) :
Erich – ErichMrakMusic@gmail.com
Blayne Stone (Bookings) – Caminojazzclub@gmail.com

You are now musically informed. Go and do likewise. 

Erich Mrak Releases New Music Video For “Think About It”

Toronto (ON)With 2017 almost at halfway point, our close personal Canadian friend Erich follows up his Earmark premiered January release, “Think About It” (available on all major streaming services, see below) with a music video. Shot in a POV style, the music video illustrates a day in the life of an unnamed character, and sheds light on their current overall life. With brief cameos from Erich and friends, the music video visually captures someone coping with unfortunate situations, and in-turn thinking about it. 

January Earmilk premiere : http://earmilk.com/2017/01/24/erich-mrak-wants-to-know-if-you-still-think-about-it-premiere

Link to “Think About It” Official Music Video : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxycKRgjVBk

Links to “Think About It” (Audio) : 
https://soundcloud.com/erichmrakmusic/think-about-it
spotify:track:2eYJqm5OsXe9GmEhmDoJVF

http://itunes.apple.com/album/id1201730672?ls=1&app=itunes

Cover art done by Martin Nombrado.
(https://www.instagram.com/bra.deau/)
Photo’s taken by Emily Direnzo.
(https://www.instagram.com/edirenzo/

Contact for all inquiries (bookings, management, ect,) :
Erich – ErichMrakMusic@gmail.com
Blayne Stone (Bookings) – Caminojazzclub@gmail.com

You are now musically informed. Go and do likewise. 

Erich Mrak Is Releasing A New Single Today: “With You”

Toronto— With 2017 well underway, Erich Mrak today releases his second single of the year, “With You.” Written by Erich, and produced by Bento (Erich’s in-house producer), it showcases a more pop oriented side of Erich. The song itself centers around the unwillingness to commit, presented through intense verses, bouncy production, and mellow choruses, intertwined with synths.

“With You” is Erich’s second of many releases planned for 2017. “With You” is available for streaming through a private Soundcloud link below, and will be available through all major streaming services, such as Soundcloud, Spotify, and Apple Music, upon release on March 14th, 2017.

Private link to audio :

You are now musically informed. Go and do likewise.