City Leaders Shocked That Employees Are Unhappy That (Once Again) Budget Has No Money For Raises, But Has Funds For New Scoreboards In Rec League Gym Used By City Manager’s Brother

Karlsfield, VT Gymnasium

When asked if the Karlsfield, VT Gymnasium ever made use of its abundance of seating for concerts and other activities the answer was, “No.”

Karlsfield, VT— More than a few city employees of this burg in northern Vermont have started to voice their displeasure about not getting a raise in more than five years compounded by taking pay cuts, when the city can afford to pay for new scoreboards in what the town’s City Manager calls, “The premiere sporting venue for indoor basketball for adults between the ages of 25 and 34, including some who were erroneously and egregiously not recruited to play college hoops and help their brother and family leave New England for Los Angeles, not only in the great state of Vermont, but of, quite possibly, the entire galaxy.”

“We have been told during every budget cycle for the past six years, that we have to tighten our belts, do more with less and adapt or shut up,” said an anonymous employee in the elections office. “We haven’t gotten a raise in those six years, and many of us took a two per cent pay cut four years ago. We were told that cut would be just for a year, but we still haven’t gone back to our original salaries before the pay cut. The city never has enough money, but it can afford to shell out 65-plus million for scoreboards utilizing its ‘rainy day’ fund. We’re getting pretty fed up. Morale is pretty low around here.”

The arena’s (old) scoreboards are nearly three years old,” said Karlsfield YMCA director Jeff Campbell. “We have to compete with other sports arenas in the area and in Canada and those losers in New Hampshire. $76 million is a small price to pay to keep up with the changing demands of a new arena, and really, it’s a steal. We got a great deal on these things. These are, if I’m being honest here, these are $100 million scoreboards. This is a coup, really, to get these at these prices.”

“What our jerk off employees have to realize is that there are only a finite amount of resources available, and if their feeble minds can’t grasp why the citizens they serve deserve the best damn rec league gym in this great country of ours, then maybe they should look into moving to New Hampshire.” City Manager Kevin Miles said. “They have jobs in this economy, and they have the audacity to complain about not getting raises or bonuses or healthcare one out of every four days. It makes me almost ashamed to be a city manager in this hellhole. Whiny asses.” Continue reading

Fire Department Blames Poor Dispatching Procedures For Letting Building Burn Down Right Next Door To Firehouse

Karlsfield Syrup Museum

Authorities say protocol kept the nearby Station 2 from helping to put out the fire at the newly constructed Karlsfield, VT Syrup Museum.

Karlsfield, VT—What looks to many people in this small Vermont town as a disaster that could easily have been avoided appears to others as another reason to remove the red tape and loosen up some archaic regulations and standard operating procedures.

With only three fire stations in town, the odds were decent yesterday that the right one would get the call to put out a fire that ended up destroying the city’s Syrup Museum, which had been under intense scrutiny the last several months over construction and fire system delays. But when the call went out by city dispatchers to send fire trucks to fight the blaze, both stations farther from the fire were called rather than the proper fire station, which sits only about 75 feet away from the museum.
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“Tax-Dodging… Cripples” Remark Lands Politician In Hot Water

Karlsfield, VT City Manager Kevin Miles Caught On Tape

Karlsfield, VT City Manager Kevin Miles puts his foot firmly in his mouth while blabbing on an open microphone.

Karlsfield, VT—In what was supposed to be an interview about the current state of building problems surrounding the town’s new syrup museum, Karlsfield City Manager Kevin Miles made comments that many people are not happy about.

Miles was caught with a hot microphone and a rolling camera talking to his personal aide, Taylor Wright, while waiting to speak to a local TV reporter over issues regarding handicap access to the new Karlsfield Syrup Museum that was scheduled to open late last year, but has been plagued by construction problems and skyrocketing building costs.

Miles was recorded making the following statement: “Look, if they don’t pay taxes, I’m not going to lose any sleep over whether they can (expletive) wheel themselves into the building and see a (expletive) exhibit on syrup through the ages. I have bigger fish to fry than worrying about tax-dodging (expletive) cripples. Aaron Hernandez is killing me in my fantasy league. There’s a real problem for you, let’s address that topic. When is this (expletive) interview supposed to start?”
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New Syrup Museum Opening Delayed After Failed Safety Tests

Karlsfield Syrup Museum

Some of the Karlsfield Syrup Museum cost overruns have been attributed to a minor mix up. All of the dioramas that were supposed to be built at 1/10 scale were built actual size. This greatly increased square footage and spread the available fire safety equipment thin and introduced a lot of extra wood to the interior. The Karlsfield fire marshall is not bying the notion “it’s the wood that makes it [The Museum] good” offered by Miles construction officials.

Karlsfield, VT—Facing an 11th fire-safety test today that has stalled work on the new Karlsfield Syrup Museum for weeks, Karlsfield Fire Chief Sonny Martin said had reason to be “cautiously optimistic.”

Miles Construction, the museum builder, has made slow progress adjusting fire system controls, Martin said, adding the city has also considered fallback plans that could let the building open for patrons as early as next week.

The city is considering a “phased occupancy” plan, he said, that could keep failed sections open only as a pass-through area but let people move into parts of the building that pass “inspections.”
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City In Trouble Over Community Shredding Event That Led To Documents Being Sold To Unknown Third Party Instead Of Being Destroyed

Karlsfield, VT Community Paper Shredding Event - 2012

Volunteers were careful to separate the material brought to the Karlsfield, VT community paper shredding event very carefully.

Karlsfield, VT—In an odd twist that the town’s city manager called an “unfortunate” mishap, nearly every piece of paper brought to a recent city event designed to help residents destroy old documents with their personal and confidential information ended up in the hands of “an unknown third party” rather than being destroyed or recycled.

Last Monday, more than 3,000 Karlsfield residents brought tons of credit card statements, pay stubs, investment paperwork and other documents with varying personal information on it to be shredded by the city. But the trucks containing most of the paperwork that wasn’t shredded onsite (about 90% of what was brought), turned out not to be from the Burlington paper mill the city said would end up with the paper. Who did it really belong to? No one is sure, apparently.
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