TDQ Investigates: George Lucas Adding “NO!” To “Return Of The Jedi” Scene Where Vader Tosses The Emperor

Star Wars Fans Unite

An alliance of fans rebel against the recent changes made by Lucas to upcoming Star Wars Blu Ray disc releases poised to bolster the Lucasfilm movie empire.

Here we go again. People who have nothing better to do are once again upset with visionary billionaire filmmaker George Lucas for improving upon films that he made nearly 30 years ago. He’s using technology today that wasn’t available to him when he made the “Star Wars” “trilogy” to make them far more enjoyable and watchable.

This time, uber-nerds are all up in arms over him making that dude who dresses in black vinyl yell “NO!” as he tosses the old dude in his bathrobe over some railing and down some sort of shaft or something in the movie with the giant slug and the walking teddy bears. And said nerds are taking to the medium they know best to show their outrage: social media.
Continue reading

Senator Bernie Sanders Trying To Find Congressional Page That He Ignored And Left Crying

The Missing Page

The Congressional Page program places high school boys and girls within groping distance of slimy politicians.

Washington, DC—After a heated debate on the Senate floor that left a bill dead in the water that Independent Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders was trying to get passed, Sanders left the capitol fuming, ignoring a Congressional page that had documents needing Sanders’ signature. Cameras caught the unidentified page after the senator stormed off, and the young man was in tears.

After the internet and the blogosphere got hold of the incident and blasted Sanders, he quickly responded via his Twitter account saying how sorry he was and how unprofessional his behavior had been.
Continue reading

CEO Skips Charity Event Due To Wife’s Illness; Problem Is, Wife Was Out Of The Country

Soup's On Charity Fundraiser

The $1500 a plate fundraiser for the homeless was technically a $1500 a bowl fundraiser sponsored by the "Soup's On" gourmet soup restaurant. Sources indicate Jack Backus refused to attend because "Soup isn't a meal."

Seattle—Magoo Vision CEO Jack Backus is not making any friends in the homeless charity crowd. Backus was slated to attend and be the keynote speaker at a charity fundraiser Friday night, but his secretary canceled his appearance 45 minutes before he was scheduled to arrive, saying Mrs. Backus had taken ill, and Mr. Backus was staying home tending to her.

However, upon closer look, it appears that Mrs. Backus was not in Seattle feeling ill during the fundraiser, but was actually in Vienna getting LASIK surgery. She’d been there for nearly a week, according to Backus’ secretary, who now insists that she called the charity and accidentally provided “misinformation, due to miscommunication.” Mrs. Backus could not be reached for comment.
Continue reading

The Daily Quarterly: Bringing The Heat

Ahh, summer. The time of year when hurricanes may or may not start to form, when The Greatest Basketball Player(s) of All Time win or lose trophies, and when Congressmen get caught Tweeting inappropriate photos to women of all ages they’ve never met.

We didn’t know Christmas came this time of year, but every news agency in the country, and perhaps the world owes New York Democratic Congressman Anthony (and his?) Weiner a debt of gratitude.
Continue reading

Man Loses Job, Girlfriend Over “Horrendous, Incomprehensible” Tweets Berating Sandra Bullock

Bullock Pooh-Poohed by Twitterer

Bullock Pooh-Poohed by Twitterer. (Artist's impression of the incident.)

Carson City, NV— A once-beloved real estate agent’s life has been turned upside down over recent tweets he made disparaging America’s Sweetheart, Sandra Bullock.

Clark Monroe’s girlfriend has left him, and he was fired from Thompson Realty after fourteen years, including three as “Top Lister” of the year, following tweets he posted on April 30 and May 1.

The first post appeared on his Twitter page at 10:13 pm on April 30 and read: “Finaly (sic) watched The Blind Side. Sandra Bullock won Oscar for THIS?? Really?”
Continue reading