Rolex To Team Up With Rinspeed To Develop Luxury Self-Winding Swiss Automobile

The Rinspeed Rolex Körperlich.

The Rinspeed Rolex Körperlich will self-wind unless you get stuck in stop-and-go traffic.

Geneva, Switzerland—Swiss watch-making giant Rolex is teaming up with Swiss automaker Rinspeed to develop a self-winding car, which will revolutionize the auto industry and make gas guzzlers, like watches themselves thanks to cell phones, a thing of the past. They plan to unveil it at the Geneva Motor Show next March.

“We are literally kicking ourselves that we didn’t head down this route before,” said Rinspeed spokesman Auguste Agassiz. “The technology has been there for years, but not until my mistress called me up crying because her Alfa Romeo would not start did the idea come to me. She yelled at me, ‘Why can they have a watch that always works just by moving it, but not a car?’ And I thought it was brilliant!”
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Rihanna: “I’m Not In The Illuminati; Next Person Asks Is Gonna Get Mysteriously Killed”


Rihanna claims no affiliation with the Illuminati. Her latest tattoo of Bavarian Illuminati founder Adam Weishaupt (seen here at the 2011 Grammy awards) tells a different story.

New York—Rihanna called an unexpected news conference last week to answer questions that no one actually at the news conference asked. She started the 15-minute conference saying that she’s been hearing rumors and seeing stories on the internet about her being involved in the powerful, secret global society, The Illuminati, and that she practices Voodoo.

She took no questions at the news conference, and after a short prepared speech, launched into an off-the-cuff profanity-laced tirade against LeBron James, Sarah Palin and Baxter from “The Great Space Coaster.”

But her detractors still weren’t convinced.
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