Hollywood—Sources confirmed yesterday, after weeks of speculation, that quirky filmmakers Tim Burton, Quentin Tarantino and Tarantino’s pal Robert Rodriguez have gotten the green light to begin work on a Christmas-themed thriller/horror movie set to hit theaters next holiday season.
“It’s been the worst kept secret in LA the past few months,” said a spokesperson for Sony Pictures, who will be producing the as-yet-titled film. “But we can finally say with great excitement and anticipation that these three geniuses are set to start filming next month.”
While the exact plot of the flick has not been confirmed, a source close to the project said that “it will most definitely contain elements that all three are known for, including Johnny Depp, an unorthodox, non-linear plot with shady characters and kids that spy.” Rumors have been flying around Hollywood that the film will have slasher zombie snowmen, possibly snow vampires, or a plot line involving a haunted and abandoned mental institution at Christmas time.
“There just aren’t enough Christmas horror movies out there,” the Sony spokesman said, “and the genre is especially sorely lacking from not having the finger prints of these great filmmakers on them.”
The studio confirmed that Depp had been cast in the film, but would not say whether he was playing a demented Santa Claus, a weird knock off on Scrooge or some other sort of malevolent psychopath out to destroy the holiday and anyone who celebrates it. Helena Bonham Carter has also been cast, as well as Christoph Waltz, Emily Osment and Tim Roth.
“While these filmmakers certainly appreciate the great plot and storytelling in such classic holiday slasher films as ‘Silent Night, Deadly Night,’ ‘Silent Night, Deadly Night 4: Initiation’ and the vastly underrated ‘Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: the Toy Maker,’ they just felt the time was right for them to put their own twisted touch on the holiday horror film genre,” the spokesman said. “And we can’t wait to see how they raise the bar with this film, which we are really hoping will be the first in a franchise that Robert Rodriguez can then run with and over-saturate the nation with until the last three or four in the series eventually and inevitably can be direct-to-video releases, or available only on Netflix.”