Acronym Acrimony Pits P.S.L., Florida Against Starbucks Seasonal Coffee

Port St. Lucie or Pumpkin Spice Latte?A mid-sized vision of suburban sprawl on the southeast coast of Florida, the city of Port St. Lucie has a few claims to fame- it’s the former home of Megan Fox and the current home of Vanilla Ice, Garth Brooks, and thousands upon thousands of retirees from Long Island and the five boroughs, making traffic a sluggish nightmare during Mets spring training. Mentions of PSL were even seen in the heydays of the Sopranos.

These days, Port St. Lucie is making headlines for another reason- the City Council has decided that Starbucks’ use of the acronym “PSL” for its uber-popular fall drink, the Pumpkin Spice Latte, is an infringement upon the city’s long-standing colloquial abbreviation. Recently, the city filed a cease and desist order against the Seattle-based coffee giant, and has vowed further legal action if they don’t stop using the abridgement in advertising and in handwritten barista notes on cups.

A Starbucks spokeswoman responded, calling the legal action both “arbitrary and capricious,” and said that Starbucks has no intention of refraining from the use of the initials in print or television advertising, and is directing baristas to continue using the abbreviation on cups in all of its 20,000 plus stores worldwide.

Rumors of Starbucks considering a closure of all stores within the Port St. Lucie city limits have begun to run rampant throughout town, and Starbucks refused comment on the matter, fueling speculation that the caffeine peddler may be taking the PSL out of PSL for good. Hundreds of latte-crazed citizens have packed recent City Council meetings to express their anxiety over the potential loss of their favorite bean-pushing baristas.
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Honest Chiropractor Making It Difficult For The Rest Of The Industry

Chiropracting

It has been hypothesized that chiropracting of the future will be performed by highly trained robots.

Port St. Lucie, FL—For years, chiropractors have been thought of as shady, money-grubbing charlatans bilking patients and insurance companies and in league with ambulance chasers. And that assessment was 100% accurate. But now, there is one chiropractor here on the east coast of Florida that’s trying to change that image.

Scott Skinner, DC, said he got into the industry to help people with bad backs and other disorders. He is not in it for the money, and thinks it’s time the industry gets looked at for the benefits it can provide.
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Theater Director Insists “Crime Will Skyrocket” If His Funding Gets Cut

PSL Playhouse

Declining popularity in the theater has left it in a state of disrepair.

Port St. Lucie, FL—Louis Raymond is worried. He’s worried for the actors he directs every year at the “Port St. Lucie Playhouse.” He’s worried for his job and the jobs of the crew that works at the “Playhouse.” But mostly, he’s worried about the crime rate in this town in southeast Florida if the funding he relies on to subsidize his theater dries up and the “Playhouse” is forced to close.

“Do this research if we don’t have a season,” Raymond said. “If ’42nd Street’ and ‘Noises Off’ and ‘Guys and Dolls’ gets cancelled—watch how much evil, which we call crime, watch how much crime picks up, if you take away our shows.”
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Man Sues Parents For Encouraging Him To Pursue His Dreams Rather Than Systematic​ally Crushing Them As He Grew Up Like His Friends’ Parents

Reaching for the stars:  Impossible

Stars: It looks like you can reach out and grab them. In reality the nearest one is 4 light years away. Impossible to reach.

Port St. Lucie, FL—A man has filed a lawsuit against his parents, claiming they should have destroyed his hopes and dreams from childhood as he grew up, like the rest of his friends’ parents did.

“Most of my friends knew by junior high they weren’t going to be cowboys or astronauts,” said Mike Graham, 28. “But not me. I was a sophomore in college before I finally realized I was never going to be a globe-trotting archaeologist or a racecar driver. But by then I had wasted my life believing I could do whatever I wanted to do. Thanks to my ‘nurturing, loving and supportive’ parents.”

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