Truly, Our Lives Will Never Be The Same: Hugh Hefner Has Died

Hugh Hefner

Hugh Hefner, left, was close friends with fellow publisher Brian DiMaio, right. This photo shows the two in the earliest days of Playboy magazine pouring over possible mascots. DiMaio liked the frog in the top hat. Hefner preferred the rabbit. In the end they compromised and put a bow tie on the rabbit.

Los Angeles—Hugh Hefner, the journalistic visionary who founded “Playboy” magazine and the “Playboy” empire, who influenced millions upon millions of adolescent boys over the course of his incredible lifetime, died Wednesday from natural causes. He was 91.
 
Truly, what can be said about this man, who shaped and defined what it meant to be a real man in the last half of the 20th century. And so we do our best to immortalize him with this prose: 
 
O Captain! my Captain! our fearful trip is done,
The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won,
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring;
                         But O heart! heart! heart!
                            O the bleeding drops of red,
                               Where on the deck my Captain lies,
                                  Fallen cold and dead.
 
O Captain! my Captain! rise up and hear the bells;
Rise up—for you the flag is flung—for you the bugle trills,
For you bouquets and ribbon’d wreaths—for you the shores a-crowding,
For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;
                         Here Captain! dear father!
                            This arm beneath your head!
                               It is some dream that on the deck,
                                 You’ve fallen cold and dead.
 
My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still,
My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will,
The ship is anchor’d safe and sound, its voyage closed and done,
From fearful trip the victor ship comes in with object won;
                         Exult O shores, and ring O bells!
                            But I with mournful tread,
                               Walk the deck my Captain lies,
                                  Fallen cold and dead.

TDQ Investigates: After 86 Lonely Years, Hugh Hefner Finally Finds True Love

Hefner Wedding

If you look hard enough you can find the perfect wedding cake topper.

For some reason, some jaded, cynical people around the country are giving Playboy founder and smoking jacket poster boy Hugh Hefner grief for finally tying the knot with his fiancée, Crystal Harris, over the New Year’s holiday. They poke fun at the tiny difference in their ages, saying it’s unseemly for a wealthy 86 year-old man to marry a 26 year-old woman.

But to quote another famous man who fell in love with someone a few years younger than he was, “The heart wants what the heart wants.” Poor Woody Allen, getting all that grief 20 years ago for falling in love with his adopted daughter. But the early 90s were a different time. It’s likely that if he had left Mia Farrow today to marry the daughter he and Farrow raised, it would barely be a blip on the TMZ radar.
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John Mayer’s Career Found Dead In Chicago Hotel Room

John Mayer

Some argue this cannot be the career of John Mayer as the head isn't big enough.

Chicago—The 13 year-long musical career of pop/blues singer/songwriter John Mayer was found unconscious and unresponsive in his room at The Drake Hotel yesterday morning around 8:30 am. Paramedics and firefighters responded to 911 calls but could not revive it. Mayer’s career was pronounced dead at 9:05 am.

The cause of the career’s demise is still under investigation, but to no one’s surprise, it appears to be self-inflicted, said Chicago Police Department officials.

The tumultuous career got its start in 1998 and often found itself in the media spotlight more for its love life and stupid comments to magazines, rather than its “talent.” Continue reading

Source Says Playboy Will Team Up With Major Coal Company To Sponsor Sprint Cup Car In 2012

Playboy Magazine & Richard Coal Extraction

Smut peddler Playboy Magazine teams up with soot peddler Richard Coal Extraction.

Los Angeles—It seems “Playboy” founder and hall of fame ladies man Hugh Hefner has found something to occupy his attention since being jilted by his fiancee Crystal Harris last month. Rumors are flying out of Los Angeles that “Playboy” will be teaming up with Richard Coal Extraction out of Richard, West Virginia to sponsor a NASCAR Sprint Cup car next year.

A source close to Hefner with intimate knowledge of his business dealings said the gentleman’s magazine is very close to closing a deal with the coal company.

“They’re like, days away from saying something,” the source said on the condition of anonymity. “It will be soooo cool. I’ve ridden in one of those NASCAR cars before, and it was really, really hot. I don’t remember the driver’s name, but he was pretty cute.”
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