Michelle Pfeiffer Denies Paying Musicians To Be Mentioned In Current Hit Songs

Los Angeles—A spokesman for actress Michelle Pfeiffer said at a press conference yesterday that the actress is “shocked, saddened and appalled” that the media would assume that she has paid musical artists to include her name in recent radio hits “just to ensure her name is out there and her Q rating continues to be at a level commensurate with her fame.”

Recent hits “Riptide” by Vance Joy, and “Uptown Funk” by Mark Ronson and Bruno Mars have been getting significant airplay, and both ditties mention the Oscar-nominated actress, making some cynics in the music and media industries to wonder if she was trying to get a large name-recognition payday, similar to the one Mick Jagger got when he, allegedly, paid for a campaign that began in mid 2009 with a nod in Ke$ha’s debut single Tik Tok and finished strong when Maroon 5 scored a huge hit with “Moves Like Jagger” in 2011. The result was a surge in Rolling Stones music sales to an entire generation of tweens and teens that were previously uninterested.

1979 - Failed Auto Mechanic Career

Picture 1 of 15

One of Michelle Pfeiffer's early jobs was as an auto mechanic. Her undoing was a complete lack of respect for bolt torque specifications. She claimed to have a sixth sense for how tight a bolt should be. We can only imagine where she'd be if she had respected best practices. Possibly a NASCAR engine builder.

“Ms. Pfeiffer’s career is doing just fine, thank you very much,” her rep said. “How many people who are accusing her of giving money or Super Bowl tickets or free DVDs of ‘The Fabulous Baker Boys’ to musicians just to get mentioned in songs, how many of them go home every night to a Golden Globe award for best actress or a BAFTA award? That’s what I’d like to know. Maybe these folks should look themselves in the mirror before they go around saying Ms. Pfeiffer has any reason to send Vance Joy a shoebox full of autographed head shots. It’s ludicrous.” Continue reading

TDQ Investigates: Good News! Not Every Single Miami Marlins Fan Wants To Gouge Their Eyes Out With Hot Pokers After Seeing The Team’s New Logo

Miami Marlins

Experts will say the new Miami Marlins logo is inspired by the Art Deco architecture found in Miami, but it does look a heck of a lot like the Maroon 5 logo.

We at TDQ were quite concerned about the fan base of the newly re-named and re-logo’d Miami Marlins when we first saw the horrible, frightening, disgusting new logo the team unveiled last month in an attempt to sell more season tickets for the new stadium the team finally blackmailed the local taxpayers into approving. We had quite a heated editorial debate whether or not to even debase our site by showing the logo itself. But, Art Director Karl Fields won out, and you can see by his illustration what side of the debate he fell on.

But no matter what you think of the new logo, not every single Marlins fan despises it. We were sent this e-mail by self-proclaimed fan and Disney employee Ron “Artest” Vanasdale: “I know with the NBA situation this may have missed your attention. But the Florida Marlins have a new look and outfield home run celebration. Word on the street is it’s FAB-U-LOUS. It got 2 snaps in a strike call formation. ‘Maroon 5’ is said to be suing for copying (them) and stuff.”
Continue reading