Sources: House Staff Says Tiger Woods Doing Just Fine As Normal, Everyday, Typical Stay-At-Home Dad

Tiger Woods At Home

Dozens of Tiger Woods staff members will tell you he lives just like a regular guy.

Jupiter Island, FL—Anonymous sources close to the live-in staff who work with pro golfer Tiger Woods have told  The Daily Quarterly that the oft-injured Woods, who is recovering from yet another surgery on his back from 2015, has adapted “relatively well, all things considered,” to being a regular stay at home dad.

“A lot of men, when they can’t earn a living the way they’re used to doing it, they have a really hard time adjusting to life at home, all day every day,” said an associate of one of Woods’ valets. “But Tiger really has adapted pretty well. It was really a surprise.”

Woods, who reports say flew around the world on private jets and stayed in luxury hotels while playing on the world’s best golf courses, has been able to adjust to not having tournament officials and caddies wait on him hand and foot, said a good friend of Wood’s live-in butler.

“He gets up early, just like he did when he worked,” said the source. “He makes sure the nanny gets the kids up and fed, and then he and the chauffeur get the kids off to school.” The source also said that Woods “makes sure the cook has the kids’ lunches packed and ready for their tutor to carry for them at school.”

And Woods isn’t content to just sit around watching soap operas all day. “He gets some work in on his golf projects since he can’t go out and practice 16 hours a day like he did 12, 15 years ago. Woods will video conference with the staff of his course design company if he isn’t able to fly to Dubai or Monte Carlo if he has the kids that week. Just like any other good dad.”

“The one guilty pleasure he does have is watching ‘Maury’ every afternoon,” the source said. “He’ll watch it with just a housekeeper or two, sometimes the gardener, in his 40-seat theater room on the 200-inch projection TV. Just like your typical dad, he loves seeing if the dudes on there are indeed the baby-daddies or not. He really digs that. Sometimes he’ll mention that he knows one of the women on the show, too. It’s hilarious. Then he’s really happy when the dude is found out to be the daddy. He laughs and laughs and laughs when that happens.”

Tony Romo Working To Show That All The Critics Who Are Right About Him Are Wrong

Tony Romo

Tony Romo can still find a reason to get excited. In this case, two of his favorite candy bars.

Dallas—A source close to Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo said the hapless team leader hears all the constant, accurate criticism about him. And simply because all the critics are right, that doesn’t mean Romo should lose the starting position in Dallas, (even though it really does).

“He’s always had to work harder than everybody else,” said the source, who asked that TDQ not reveal her unique position on the training staff of the Dallas Cowboys, for fear she, as the only woman on the staff, would lose her job. “So he’s used to trying to prove critics wrong who are actually dead on about what they say about him.”
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PR Team for Tiger Woods Tells Him Playing Like Crap Will Help His Image

Tiger Woods

PR firm calling the shots to help make Tiger a "Lovable Loser".

Dubai, United Arab Emirates— Tiger Woods again fell short of securing his first victory in 15 months Sunday, after posting a 75 in the final round of the Dubai Desert Classic, which was won by Alvaro Quiros, who shot 11 under-par 277. But actually, that’s all part of the plan.

A source close to the new PR firm hired by Woods shortly before he “apologized” for his indiscretions at PGA Headquarters last March said that sucking at golf makes him more likable.

“That’s the game plan for now,” said the source, on the condition of anonymity. “I mean, does anybody really think he’d go this long without winning unless he wanted to? He’s Tiger Woods. Come on!” Continue reading