New Allegations Of Overdue Library Books May Bring Down More Secret Service Agents

Secret Service

This image, obtained by The Daily Quarterly in a poker game, shows Secret Service members heading out of El Paso with more than their fair share of books with no additional visits to El Paso scheduled for the President in the two week return period.

Washington, D.C.—A U.S. government official familiar with the Secret Service confirmed yesterday to government investigators that agents have made missteps in the past but was quick to defend the government’s internal review process.

“We have had employees that have engaged in misconduct,” the official said. “People make mistakes.”

He said it’s to be expected, given the 147-year history of the Secret Service.
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Local Dork Pushing For Street Signs To Be Written In Both English And Klingon

Klingon Stop Sign


El Paso, TX—A local “Star Trek” fan is trying his best to get the City Council to spend $3 million to re-do every single street sign in town so that they are written in both English and Klingon.

Eli “ghetwI’” Branson, 34, has gone before the El Paso City Council four times since 2009 hoping to get them to debate and vote on changing the signs. Before that, Branson ran unsuccessfully for City Council in 2006 and then again in 2010, each time with the slogan, “Today Is A Good Day To Vote!”

The self-proclaimed “Voice of the City Klingons” (he offered to translate that into Klingon for us, but we politely declined) said that El Paso, the birthplace of “Star Trek” creator Gene Roddenberry, has the highest concentration of Star Trek fans, or “Trekkers” (“Do Not Call me a ‘Trekkie’” he said) in the country, and as such, it only makes sense to have both English and Klingon on all city street signs. Continue reading