Idiot Attention-Seeker Likens Great Pacific Garbage Patch To “Mythical Loch Ness Monster”

The Great Pacific Garbage Patch

Don’t let the name fool you. There is nothing “great” about patches of garbage in the Pacific.

Kansas City, MO—Seeing that he hasn’t gotten his name in the press all that much as of late, former Deeder leader Phineas Downey called a news conference to announce he has undertaken a new controversial stance, this time alleging that the well-known Great Pacific Ocean garbage patch is “almost certainly made up, and even if it does exist, there’s no way it’s nearly as large as the extreme, alarmist environmental-types are saying it is.”

Downey said that any photographic evidence he’s ever seen of what scientists “allege is this horrible patch seems awful, awful doctored to me. It’s just like a grainy picture of Bigfoot or the mythical Loch Ness Monster as far as I’m concerned.”

Downey said he’s flown to Hawaii and Fiji plenty of times in the past, and has yet to notice any large, Texas-sized collection of garbage, despite looking nearly every single time he gets a window seat.
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Former “Deeder Leader” Phineas Downey Hoping To “Help” US Postal Workers

USPS Publication 28, Postal Addressing Standards, Section 22.3

USPS Publication 28, Postal Addressing Standards, Section 22.3 is clear about the use of city abbreviations. It is acceptable, but not preferred.

Washington, DC—Mere days into the new year, former Deeder leader Phineas Downey has found something else to gripe about, another “cause” he’s created and finds himself at the forefront of. And this time, it’s about writing addresses on mail. Really.

Downey, apparently not content to spend the holidays with whatever poor folks make up his family, was clearly looking for his next made-up cause hoping to start 2012 in the news cycle.
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Gasoline Prices:THE ANSWER


Research materials appear to substantiate the claim.

It has taken nine years of research and tremendous personal hardship, but the truth about gasoline price increases can now be told. After crossing the globe and hitting all seven continents,(aren’t there seven? Man, it sure seemed like we went to them all…)  Anyway, here’s the real deal: There are seven pivotal pipeline connections for the world’s oil flow. That’s it. Seven. And stationed at each of these is a person who holds the key to your travel costs.
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