Miami—With the announcement yesterday that idiot Indianapolis Colts owner Jim “follow me on Twitter” Irsay was releasing the best thing that ever happened to Indianapolis, Peyton Manning, speculation started as to where the future Hall of Famer will play out the remainder of his career, with the Dolphins as the odds-on favorite.
But not everyone was thrilled that Manning might bring his talents to South Beach. Former Dolphin great and actual current Hall of Famer Dan “Laces Out” Marino told reporters he would do everything in his power to prevent Manning from joining the Dolphins.
“Look, don’t push me on this,” Marino said. “Do you know who I am? I’m a legend, a legend, in Miami. I am without question the greatest quarterback ever to take a snap in a Dolphin uniform, and that will change over my dead body. Did you write that down?”
Marino said it’s no coincidence that every single quarterback who’s followed him in Miami since he retired “has totally and completely sucked.”
Several of the NFL passing records Marino held when he retired were broken by Brett “I’m on Twitter now, but I promise not to send pics” Favre, and several others will more than likely be broken by Manning, a fact that is clearly a sore spot with Marino.
“In case you geniuses didn’t get it, and I’m talking to you, (Chris) Mort(enson of ESPN), (Mike) Florio and Peter King,” Manning said. “Take note, you idiots. Peter King, hang up the phone and listen. Peyton Manning will wear a Dolphins uniform when pigs fly, when hell freezes over and when Bruce Springsteen makes another album worth listening to. I know people. Don’t mess with me. One call to Don Shula, and Manning will need at least one more neck surgery, if not more.”
Calls to Peyton Manning’s representatives and his dad, Archie, were not immediately returned.