Washington, DC—Mere days into the new year, former Deeder leader Phineas Downey has found something else to gripe about, another “cause” he’s created and finds himself at the forefront of. And this time, it’s about writing addresses on mail. Really.
Downey, apparently not content to spend the holidays with whatever poor folks make up his family, was clearly looking for his next made-up cause hoping to start 2012 in the news cycle.
“I received wonderful holiday cards from wonderful friends living in Jacksonville, Florida and Gainesville, Florida and New York City,” Downey said in a statement. “And I was shocked and disappointed to see over and over again, the names of the cities were not completely spelled out, but were written as ‘Jax,’ ‘G’ville’ and ‘NYC’ respectively. It pains me to think that while the employees of the United States Post Office are hard at work, that citizens would put even more burden, more undue stress on these wonderful workers by shortening words and cities and making it so much more difficult for them to decipher where the mail needs to go. Something must be done about this. Not next year, not next month but now. Today.”
The Post Office, actually compelled to prepare a response to Downey’s nonsense, released their own statement which reads, in part: “While we certainly appreciate any and all support we get from the American public, and we would never discount any ally of the US Postal Service, Mr. Downey’s, um, point, as it were, kinda makes the US Postal Service employees come across as idiots. I’m just saying.”
Downey said he’s certain once Congress returns to Washington, they will understand the urgency of passing a law forcing people to fully spell out cities when addressing mail, and he doubts any bickering will emerge between the two parties.
“It’s clearly a bipartisan issue,” Downey actually said. “Both Republicans and Democrats get mail, both Republicans and Democrats have cities in their home states whose name people, for whatever reason, are too lazy to spell out on their correspondence. Even the Independent or Independents, if there’s more than one, I don’t know, even they ought to have the common sense to see the importance of getting this into law. Maybe even make an amendment, who knows?”