Local Dork Pushing For Street Signs To Be Written In Both English And Klingon

Klingon Stop Sign


El Paso, TX—A local “Star Trek” fan is trying his best to get the City Council to spend $3 million to re-do every single street sign in town so that they are written in both English and Klingon.

Eli “ghetwI’” Branson, 34, has gone before the El Paso City Council four times since 2009 hoping to get them to debate and vote on changing the signs. Before that, Branson ran unsuccessfully for City Council in 2006 and then again in 2010, each time with the slogan, “Today Is A Good Day To Vote!”

The self-proclaimed “Voice of the City Klingons” (he offered to translate that into Klingon for us, but we politely declined) said that El Paso, the birthplace of “Star Trek” creator Gene Roddenberry, has the highest concentration of Star Trek fans, or “Trekkers” (“Do Not Call me a ‘Trekkie’” he said) in the country, and as such, it only makes sense to have both English and Klingon on all city street signs.

“The first time I went before the Council to put forth this initiative, my speech was entirely in Klingon,” Branson said. “I did that for effect, but, not surprisingly, that went over their heads. So the next three times I gave my speech at the Council meetings in English with Klingon phrases sprinkled in. But still nothing!”

Opponents of the proposal say it’s a waste of tax-payer money and that Branson “just needs to get himself a girlfriend.”

“I tried to reason with him,” said Council President George Hernandez. “I even had dinner with him, hoping to talk some sense into him, but he wouldn’t listen.”

“I admire his passion,” said Council Treasurer Donna Lopez. “But unfortunately it’s a waste of money and time, and believe it or not, there isn’t this large outcry for the signs to be changed, despite what he says. And as we all know, the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.”

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