Washington, DC—It appears tensions were especially high between the CIA director and FBI directer earlier this year after they had dinner at the White House with a few friends of the CIA who had come into town, according to Wikileaks. The internet organization known for publishing submissions of private media has released texts in its possession of a heated back-and-forth between the directors.
“If you don’t have any idea why we’re upset, we sure as hell aren’t going to tell you,” the first text from the CIA director read.
“We asked you if you were fine when we left dinner (at the White House), and you said you were fine. What do you expec (sic) us to do?” said the FBI director’s text.
“Nothing, nothing at all. You’re absolutely right. We had no reason to be upset after what you did,” the CIA director’s next text said.
“We don’t see what we did wrog (sic),” said the FBI director’s text. “Don’t be like that.”
“Don’t be like what? U (sic) said u (sic) wouldn’t bring up that incident in Egypt. but (sic) 1/2 way through dessert U (sic) did just that!!” said the CIA director’s text, followed by, “And in front of MY FRIENDS!!”
“What do you want me to say? Do you want me to apologze? (sic) Okay. Im (sic) sorry,” said the FBI director’s text. It appears the CIA director did not respond right away.
Neither the FBI nor the CIA would comment publicly on the leaked texts. A source close to both agencies said, under the condition of anonymity, that “both of them have been working very hard, and they were very stressed about the whole Egypt thing. Sometimes when you have two strong personalities in a relationship, they butt heads. But from what I’ve been told, they both realize that these disagreements make their relationship stronger.”
It appears both parties reconciled by February 14th, as they were spotted having dinner together at Ruth’s Chris Steak House on Connecticut Avenue.
(Editor’s note: We got our copies of “Love Actually” and “So I Married an Ax Murderer” back from Wikileaks-not from Julian Assange himself, mind you, but we still got them back. But we can’t find our Taboo game. Did we leave Taboo in Zurich when we were at your flat last summer? We think we may have…)