Washington—Nearly a week after self-proclaimed “Deeders” announced they were filing a lawsuit that would force President Obama to produce legal documents proving he had a right to live in the White House, and several months after first attempting to force him to provide the documents, President Obama responded to the Deeders during the annual White House Oscar Party. Sort of.
“You won’t get me to say how ridiculous these idiots’ request is. I won’t do it,” Obama said. “I refuse to tell you how moronic and stupid it is for these jackasses to waste my time, your time, and the American public’s time. I won’t say it.”
Responding to questions right after Natalie Portman won the Academy Award for Best Actress, Obama appeared to be in a very jovial mood.
The same could not be said for Lead Deeder Phineas Downey, who appeared to have picked Michelle Williams on his Oscar sheet.
“Typical,” Downey said, just before finishing the rest of his (fourth?) whiskey sour. “Hollywood and Washington, they’re off in their own little worlds! Just look at Natalie Portman, winning for that dance movie. Come on! Did anybody even watch that Valentine movie with the girl from ‘Dawson’s Creek’?”
“You tell ’em, P.D.” Deeder Head of Security Justin Teller said. “Ballet don’t belong in movies!”
But Obama’s good mood caried on late into the evening, as he continued to tease Malia for picking Geoffrey Rush for Best Supporting Actor over winner Christian Bale.
“And especially with the kids here,” Obama said, “there’s no way I’m going to say that there’s not a snowball’s chance in hell this thing sees a courtroom, or that I will ever respond to those asinine accusations. Nope, no way I’ll say that. Won’t happen.”
And so America must wait for Obama or the White House to respond, if they ever decide to.