Good Lord, Steve Bartman Just Cannot “Catch” A Break: Poor Bastard Bungles Ring Exchange In Celebration Ceremony

Bartman Ring

As the story goes Bartman reached for the ring early as it was being presented where it fell into an electric space heater which was set to high to compensate for the room’s faulty air conditioner thermostat. The ring shorted out the heater and arcwelded itself into a puddle of melted gold.

Chicago— It was deja vu all over again Monday for infamous Chicago Cubs fan Steve Bartman as the hapless, poor son of a bitch bungled and ultimately dropped a World Series souvenir ring in a ceremony where the team was giving its most hated, controversial fan some love in the form of some bling. 

Witnesses to the incident conferring upon Bartman his own 2016 World Series Championship ring confirmed reports that Bartman juggled the ring as it was being handed to him, ultimately dropping the ring and destroying it, in exactly the same manner that he destroyed the Cubs’ hopes for a pennant in 2003.  

“I wouldn’t have believed it if I didn’t see it myself,” Cubs executive Theo Epstein said. “After all these years, he finally comes back to be with the team after his horrible, detestable actions in the Championship Series back in ’03, and the poor bastard does it all over again, dropping the damn ring like a hot potato. I swear to God, if he had been wearing a set of headphones and that ridiculous turtle neck, it would be like October ’03 all over again. Geez. Poor bastard.”

Sources also confirmed that former Cubs left fielder Moises Alou was in the background at the ceremony. bemoaning the dropping of the ring, and berating Bartman as he jumped up and down in anger. 

Bartman had for years declined invitations from the team to come back and enjoy a live Cubs game in person at Wrigley Field, and did not participate in the World Series parade help last fall, despite being asked to attend. It is unclear if he required an armed escort leaving the ring ceremony, as he did in 2003 after dropping a foul ball after idiotically reaching out and literally snatching the ball from poor innocent Moises Alou’s grasp, and shattering all hopes of a Cubs World Series win 14 long seasons ago.

Ernie Johnson, Former Broadcaster And Major League Pitcher, Passes At 87

Ernie Johnson

A young Ernie Johnson playing for the '52 Boston Braves.

Atlanta-Beloved Atlanta Braves broadcaster and former Major League pitcher Ernie Johnson passed away Friday night. He was 87.

He served in the Marines during World War II and participated in the  invasion of Okinawa.

He came up with the Boston Braves in 1950 and won the World Series in 1957 with the Braves after they moved to Milwaukee. He retired from baseball in 1960 with a record of 40-23.

A 2001 inductee into the Braves Hall of Fame, Johnson called baseball games for the team from their arrival in Atlanta from Milwaukee in 1965 until his first retirement in 1989. But a year later, he was back calling one game a week on a different cable network, where he stayed until his second retirement in 1999.
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Baseball Loses Another Role Model: Manny Ramirez, Often Called “The Next Charlie Hustle,” Retires

M. Ramirez Drug Test

Ramirez batting 1.000 on his drug test.

Tampa, FL—Manny Ramirez, the two-time World Series Champion and current designated hitter for the Tampa Bay Rays has announced his retirement, and immediately followed up that announcement by saying his retirement has “nothing whatsoever to do with any possible failed drug test taken at the end of spring training, so let’s just get that notion out of your mind right now. Come on.”

Ramirez said that there are plenty of baseball greats who were in Major League Baseball’s Drug Policy Program and retired the opening week of the season right after spring training camp broke and having just taken a drug test. He said there’s nothing out of the ordinary whatsoever about his retirement, and that he just wants to do other things. In other countries. With different laws.

“I want to travel,” Ramirez said. “I’ll probably spend some time in Amsterdam, maybe Thailand. I’m thinking of getting some property down in Columbia. But to say that I’m retiring from baseball during the first week of the season after a drug test because I may have failed the drug test? Dude.That’s just nonsense.” Continue reading