New Clive Davis Autobiography Reveals His Roles In “New Coke” And His Invention Of The iPad

Clive Davis

A rare glimpse inside Clive Davis Laboratories where the magic happens.

Los Angeles—Former “American Idol” winner and star of stage and screen Kelly Clarkson isn’t the only celebrity named and skewered in record mogul Clive Davis’ new autobiography, “The Soundtrack of My Life.” Davis also said that he tried his best to prevent “massive career mistakes” that other protégé’s made, and at the same time resisted taking credit for some tremendous inventions and ideas that have helped change the world, namely, the iPad.

Early in the book, Davis said that he “wasted, ultimately, more than a month of my precious time” trying to convince Coca-Cola executives not to change the classic formula back in 1985. The advice that Davis tried to give the execs, including one former record company employee who was instrumental in the soft drink maker’s decision to “update the taste or some such nonsense,” fell on deaf ears. But David was quickly proven correct in his assessment, and was sent “a lifetime supply of the caramel-colored drink, though in all honesty,” Davis said he prefers “Tab.” Continue reading

Protesters Gaining Press Coverage Despite Having Incomprehensible Cause

Protesters

Government officials say that protests should be isolated and go away in mere days, as shown in this animation that predicts protester activity over the next year.

New York—The Angry ‘Bout Stuff protests were scheduled to continue over the weekend as the vague grassroots movement continues to grow, spread to other cities and somehow even grab the attention of the president, though he’s not sure how he’s supposed to respond.

President Barack Obama said yesterday that the demonstrators are giving a voice to those frustrated with stuff around the country as protests sprang up in more than a dozen American cities, though their cause would likely benefit greatly if they had a more concise message.

Vice President Joe Biden also felt the need to weigh in, rambling on and on before making a broken comparison between the protesters and fans of the Nickelodeon program, “iCarly.”
“What is the core of that protest? And why is it increasing in terms of the people it’s attracting?” Biden asked rhetorically(?). “The core is the bargain has been breached by the characters on ‘iCarly’ and the American people.” Continue reading