TDQ Investigates: The True Genius Of Perhaps The Greatest Tool Ever Invented: The Scissors

Just try cutting a ceremonial ribbon with a rock. It would take forever and you would look like an idiot doing it. We are not sure why rock beats scissors. If it was up to us scissors would beat everything.

We here at TDQ think it’s about time we give a shout out to the scissors. They truly do not get the accolades they so richly deserve. We know it, you know it. It is time that is set right.

Just think about how hard a time you would have trying to cut out your ex spouse from your wedding photos without a pair of scissors.

Or how difficult would it be for Saville Row tailors to fit your $1500.00 suit without a good pair of scissors? How would any bank or large office building or Walmart open without a giant pair of novelty scissors to use during the ribbon-cutting ceremony? How unimpressive would the Swiss Army knife actually be without the extra tool of the small set of scissors in there?

It just breaks our hearts how overlooked and taken for granted the scissors are in modern society. Admit it, before you clicked on this article, when was the last time you appreciated the craftsmanship, the pure perfection that a sharp pair of scissors offer you? If we had to go through life using those crappy scissors we had in Kindergarten, nothing would EVER get done. Ever.

Now, admittedly, we weren’t around when they were first developed. It’s possible the fanfare surrounding their unveiling was greater than we would think. Did they do a ribbon-cutting ceremony to introduce the new product that was scissors?

Try to imagine “The Greatest American Hero” without the symbol on Ralph’s suit. That symbol was inspired by a pair of scissors. It’s true, Google it. Or think about how difficult cutting up an old, expired credit card would be without a pair of scissors handy. We shudder to think about that.

So the next time you go to wrap a present, or cut a coupon out of your daily newspaper, or cut the lamination around your fake ID just so, or trim your nose hairs, just take a minute to appreciate how wonderful our lives truly are thanks to the scissors.

You are now informed, go and do likewise.