TDQ Investigates: When It Comes To Clemens, Favre And Lance Armstrong, Can’t We All Just Move Along?

League Of Retired Sportsmen

Lance Armstrong, Roger Clemens, and Bret Favre, members of the League Of Retired Sportsmen, recently held a press conference to ask the media to leave them alone.

So Lance Armstrong has given up his fight against the US Anti-Doping Agency because it’s just not worth the hassle. Fantastic. Great. Can I raise my hand now and ask that we all agree that this is the last we need to talk about him? We all cool with that? Everybody on board with this?

Just when we thought we could stop talking about Roger Clemens once his legal dream team made a complete fool out of the Feds and their attorneys, he’s back in the news with talk of a comeback. Enough already!

And of course, with football season here, there is of course talk about Bret Favre, Lord Favre himself, making a comeback, though I’d really hope nobody in the league is quite that desperate.
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Roger Clemens Trying To Get Back To Where He Thinks He Belongs

Roger Clemens

Part of Roger Clemens’ contract included the rights to design his own baseball card.

Houston—Now that he’s through with that aggravating perjury trial mess, former Red Sox-Blue Jays-Yankees-Astros pitcher Roger Clemens can finally concentrate on getting back on the mound and doing what he does best: throwing strikes. (Not lying to Congress)

The 50 year-old right-hander is trying to make a comeback, and will start for the Sugar Land Skeeters of the independent Atlantic League against Bridgeport this Saturday.

Clemens last pitched in the Majors in 2007 for the Yankees, where he started 18 games and was 6-6 with a 4.18 ERA. This was four years after he retired the first time in 2003, and went on a retirement tour with the Yankees and had lovely parting gifts bestowed upon him every time he visited a different city during the season.
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“ESPN The Magazine” Under Fire For Article Asking, “What If Roger Clemens Weren’t A Complete Jerk?”

Bristol, CT—ESPN The Magazine editors are coming out swinging, defending the recent magazine cover that accompanied their controversial article about former Cy Young award winner Roger Clemens,  reimagining his legal troubles and career under the farfetched notion that he was a nice guy.

The article, written by Bob Ryan, suspends all disbelief as it examines how differently allegations of adultery with a woman under 18, use of performance-enhancing drugs and lying to Congress would have been viewed and reported on by the national media if Clemens weren’t such a pompous, arrogant jackass.
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Roger Clemens Stuns Courtroom By Throwing Water Pitcher At Prosecutor During Trial; Says, “I Thought It Was The Ball!”

Pitched Pitcher

Pitcher Roger Clemens pitches a pitcher in rage over 'roids.

Washington,DC—U.S. District Judge Reggie (Jackson) Walton declared a mistrial in the Roger Clemens perjury trial Thursday after prosecutors “accidentally” entered evidence that Judge Walton said would not be allowed prior to the trial. Noted by some legal experts as a mistake that even a first-year law student would know to avoid, after an incident Wednesday during opening arguments, it’s really not that difficult to understand why the prosecution may have been a bit flustered.

Everyone in the courtroom during opening arguments Wednesday was treated to  a bizarre scene that saw Clemens throw the largest part of a glass water pitcher at the lead prosecutor in the case, saying later he “thought it was the ball.”
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