The Voice 2013 Live Shows have started but the contestants are only part of the story.
There was a great deal of excitement on NBC as The Voice’s live shows got underway this week. Here are a few of the highlights.
Team Usher showed off their new kicks in their group number, performing “Black and Gold” in hot red high tops donated by McDonald’s. While Usher claims they are a part of a charity event to support the Ronald McDonald House, our inside sources say that he is also taking the opportunity to build a fashion empire based on McDonald’s iconic look, with his “House of McUsher” shoe and accessory line.
Carson Daly’s hair had a great week, as its new heights earned it its own Hollywood zip code, but it still wasn’t enough to please its hair mentor. Ryan Seacrest’s locks sent a note of condolence, as it still doesn’t quite measure up. Maybe next week, Carson.
Blake Shelton repeatedly thanked Starbucks for his “very special latte,” which was later found to have a secret recipe that was, well, not really a secret.
Usher also took this week’s live show as an opportunity to introduce the world to a previously unknown artist, as his final team member covered “Take a Look at Me Now” by the singer-songwriter Phil Collins.
The Daily Quarterly has obtained this photo of an alleged fast food double agent. Her name: Wendy McDonald.
An unnamed source with ties to fast-food restaurant giant McDonald’s has told The Daily Quarterly exclusively that employees of McDonald’s have been getting themselves hired at fast-food competitor Wendy’s over the past 24 months, and have “systematically, slowly been destroying” the reputation of Wendy’s in an effort to drive the chain out of business.
“I mean, just think about it,” the source said. “When was the last time you had a pleasant dining experience at Wendy’s? Can you even remember? I seriously doubt it.”
The source said the plot started in the southeastern United States around July 2010, when people still on the McDonald’s payroll would go and get hired by Wendy’s. They were instructed to start off eager and with a good attitude, but to slowly start to treat customers shabbily and deliberately bungle orders, in the hopes that customers would leave the chain in droves and never return.
BK rebels celebrate the fall of the king. King, whose whereabouts are unknown, has been called a master of disguise.
Finally, there is joy in burgerville. The “Burger King” king, the silent, creepy mascot of the fast food franchise, has been put out to pasture. His reign of delicious terror has ended. Long live “Burger King” kingless.
Rumors have been flooding the internet as to the exact reason for the dethroning of the monarch, who has ruled with flame-broiled benevolence for nearly a decade, along the way climbing the list of scary, nightmare-inducing images. Commercials showing him standing sentinel over customers, or waking up in bed with them to hand them a breakfast croissant helped fuel that image.
The fall of Blockbuster, the rise of the machines.
NEW YORK—Dish Network announced Wednesday that it won the auction for Blockbuster “with a bid of $228 million in cash, so screw you, DirecTV!”
By Tuesday afternoon, the smaller, less profitable, less popular satellite TV company, along with billionaire investor Carl Icahn and a small group of debt holders were the only bidders left who were trying to acquire the Dallas-based movie-rental chain, which had filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection in September of last year, and which most Americans had just assumed was already out of business. Continue reading