Source: There Are Actually Six Versions Of Charlie Sheen; Only Martin Knows Which Is The Real One Anymore

Charlie Sheens

Some say 6 is a conservative estimate. Some claim there are 2 or 3 times that many Charlie Sheens, as evidenced in this graph.

Los Angeles—A source allegedly close to the Sheen/Estevez family has exclusively sent an e-mail to The Daily Quarterly that confirms what we have long suspected: There are actually six people posing as Charlie Sheen in Hollywood, a fact that completely explains his up-and-down behavior and erratic ramblings of the past several years.

The source also said there is only one person in Charlie’(s)’ life(ves) who can concretely tell the real Sheen from the fake ones: his father, Martin.

The e-mail read, in part, “like saddam hoosain’s (sic) doubles, youve (sic) got the creative, awesome charlie (sic) who would show up to do the show tapings (for “Two and a Half Men) but you also got the mean charlie (sic) that would more often then (sic) not get in front of the camara (sic) when shows like tmz was there and everthing (sic). then the other 4 where (sic) somewhere inbetween (sic), but could function as passable charlies (sic) and could do red carpet stuff and events when the real charlie (sic) could stay home.”
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Winning! Turns Out Ashton Kutcher Is Merely The Victim Of The Most Elaborate “Punk’d” Prank Ever

Punked!

This elaborate punking has been in the works so long the show that inspired it is no longer in production.

Hollywood—It turns out Ashton Kutcher isn’t really joining the cast of the CBS hit comedy “Two and a Half Men.” And it looks like Charlie Sheen isn’t really spiraling out of control and destroying his life and career. He was just at the forefront of the most elaborate, longest-executed Punk’d episode ever, with Kutcher as the victim (and to a lesser degree, the American public).

“Nearly half of Hollywood was in on it,” said a source closely involved in the prank and formerly on the production crew of Punk’d, Kutcher’s MTV show where celebrities and friends of Kutcher’s pull practical jokes on each other. Kutcher was the producer of the show its entire run on MTV from 2003 to 2007. Continue reading

CBS Executives “Thrilled” To Learn Charlie Sheen Has A Brother, And “BONUS! He’s An Actor!”

Sheen and Esteves

Brother's from the same mother. The offspring of Ramon Antonio Gerard Estévez and Janet Elizabeth Templeton, Carlos Irwin Estévez (left) and Emilio Estévez (right) on the set of "Two and a Half Men", Episode 11, Season 6 disturbingly titled "The Devil's Lube" featuring James Earl Jones.

Los Angeles—CBS management has recently learned that Charlie Sheen isn’t the only one of Martin Sheen’s sons in show business, said an anonymous source close to CBS President Les Moonves. The network is now scrambling to see if they can get a hold of Emilio Estevez “or his people-we’re pretty sure he has people,” about the possibility of Estevez replacing his brother on the hit CBS sitcom, “Two And A Half Men.”

“When upper management at the network found out about Mr. Estevez,” the source said, “they were literally beside themselves. They’re doing a complete 360, and are now thinking about continuing the show with him replacing Mr. Sheen.”
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