Possibility Of Iranian Monkey Astronaut Being A Hoax The Last Straw For One Poor Guy

Iranian Monkey Spaceflight TestResults

In some ways the monkey appears to be in better condition than when he left.

Preston, ID—Amid the recent mea culpas in sports and entertainment, and the admissions of secret love children, the use of performance-enhancing drugs after years of denials and whatever the hell was happening with the Manti Te’o thing, one middle-aged man has said he’s finally done with any and all news if this whole Iranian monkey astronaut turns out to be a hoax, too.

News reports around the world have now called into question whether Iran really did send a monkey into space and return him to Earth safely, saying that photos released by Iranian news agencies before and after the flight apparently show two different monkeys as subjects.

And if that turns out to be the case, that yet another once-credible entity is lying, then Dave Hoover, 50, said he’s done, done for good, with any and all news reports.
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Iran Confident Successful Monkey Space Flight Is Next Step In Reaching Planet Of Pandora By 2020

Ahmadinejad

Ahmadinejad speech has been hailed as “unique”, “original”, and “not at all derivative of Western history or pop culture” by Iranian critics.

Tehran, Iran—When news broke last week that Iran had successfully launched a monkey into space and safely returned him back to his cage at the Tehran Busch Gardens, leaders of the moderate, pro-USA country saw the breakthrough as just getting one step closer to leaving Earth and completing a space flight to the planet of Pandora.

Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said in a speech to the Tehran Knights of Columbus earlier this week that he and his government are not monkeying around. They are confident they can reach Pandora by the year 2020, and outlined his vision for a world where Iran can fly into space: “There is no strife, no prejudice, no national conflict in Pandora as yet. Its hazards are hostile to us all. Its conquest deserves the best of all mankind, and its opportunity for peaceful cooperation may never come again. But why, some say, Pandora? Why choose this and its unspoiled reserves of Unobtainium as our goal? And they may well ask why climb the highest mountain? Why, five years ago, use a telephone with no wires? Why does Sepahan play Tractor Sazi for the Persian Gulf Cup?
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TDQ Tech For The Week Of 12/19/11

The GrinderyIn this week’s TDQ Tech, The Grindery reports about software maker Adobe’s worst nightmare coming true, and presents a chilling tale of just how sophisticated Iran’s technology program is.

We’re sorry to bring you such negative, horrifying news, readers. Especially this time of year. But bad pirate news and Iran technology news don’t take the holidays off. But it wouldn’t surprise us if Santa Claus skipped Iran this year. Just sayin’.

You are now technologically informed. Go and do likewise.