Redskins Announce They Are Changing The Team Name To The Washington Daniel Snyders

The Washington Daniel Snyders

Looks like someone has been reading “Harnessing the Power of Spite to Achieve Your Goals.” (Available from Amazon in paperback and Kindle.)

Washington, D.C.—Ending years and years and years of debate and calls for change, the Washington Redskins announced yesterday that they were finally falling to public pressure and changing the name of their professional football team to the Washington Daniel Snyders, after the team’s owner, Daniel Snyder.

The 47 year-old billionaire has owned the team since 1999, and for more than a decade, has been under fire and under immense pressure to change the team’s name, including recent comments from President Obama calling for a name change.

“The Cleveland Browns, back in the day, were named for their first head coach, whatever his name was, at least until they wised up and moved to my neighboring city of Baltimore, so why can’t the Redskins, the great, noble, epic Redskins, be named for their owner? Their rich, good-looking, philanthropic, handsome owner?” Snyder said.

The team’s colors will change from maroon and yellow to black and white, and the offensive logo currently on the side of the team’s helmet will be replaced by a caricature of Snyder holding a cutlass in his mouth, akin to the old Tampa Bay Buccaneers logo, referred to as “Buccaneer Bruce.”

Snyder confessed he isn’t the first current NFL owner to contemplate changing his team’s name to his own, he is merely the first to act on it. “I’m not naming names, but just imagine a ‘Home Depot’ orange team in Atlanta, called the ‘Atlanta Blanks,’ or teams trying to keep up with the ‘Dallas Joneses,’ with a giant dollar sign on their helmets.”

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell released a statement last night, saying in part, “Okay, he’s changing the name. I don’t give a rat’s ass what he’s changed it to, but can we now quit talking about it? Please? Are we done? I have other things to tend to, like pretending to care about what’s going on in the locker room of the Dolphins and trying to make sure Manti Te’o isn’t pretending to date ghosts and whatnot.”

Falcons Owner Not Flying High Anymore Despite Approval For New Stadium

Atlanta Area Home Depot

Atlanta Area Home Depots have all added a special “Stadium Supply” section in anticipation.

Atlanta—The Atlanta Falcons American football franchise has gotten approval from area voters to help fund a new domed stadium for the team, but it’s not all good news for the team’s majority owner, Arthur Blank.

Blank, who founded major home improvement box store Home Depot, is getting some push back in the press over where to buy the construction materials for the new stadium from members of the Georgia Legislature, as the state owns 10% of the franchise.

“It seems to me, it’s literally a no-brainer,” Blank told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. “I’m sorry, I just can’t fathom why anybody would want to shop anywhere else for great building materials at reasonable prices.”
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TDQ Investigates: Fathers Getting Screwed On Father’s Day

Proposal to move Father's Day

The numbers speak for themselves.

Today is Father’s Day. But chances are, this is the first you’re hearing about it, unless you’re a father yourself. That’s because Father’s Day gets the short end of the stick compared to Mother’s Day. Sure, Radio Shack and Best Buy and Home Depot have their Father’s Day sales, but let’s be honest: today just doesn’t get the love that Mother’s Day gets.

And why is that? Well, the biggest reason is the month that it’s in. June? Really? June?? Whose young kids are in school in June? Any second-graders making a popsicle stick pencil holder for Father’s Day in June? No.
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