Four Years And Counting, People

Four Years of The Daily Quarterly

Four Years of The Daily Quarterly.

February 11, 2011: A day which will live in awesomeness. It’s been four years, people, four years since we first informed you and stressed that you should do likewise. Four years of exposing the ridiculousness rampant in Karlsfield, Vermont; four years of bringing you the hard-hitting interviews that Diane Sawyer only wished she could land and four years of touting how amazingly hot Canadian women are.

Since we started this site, we’ve written our first book, shown CNN to be the terribly unprofessional, hack journalists they are and started the ball rolling on getting Brian Williams ousted over at NBC.

And the future looks even brighter. We can’t yet comment on “Harnessing the Power of Spite to Achieve Your Goals” being optioned as movie, but if the big-screen adaptation of “Fifty Shades of Gray” is as big a sensation as they expect it to be, then there’s a good chance our little gift to literature will be box-office gold.

We know plenty of you want to send us gifts for this momentous day, but please, know: the mere fact that you still take 10 or 15 minutes three to eight times a day to read our site, and click on every single one of our ads on here, that is gift enough.

And re-tweeting all of our witticisms is just icing on the cake.

We’ll keep giving you the terrific interviews you’ve come to expect, and we’ve got plenty more big-name, pompous anchor jack-asses both on cable and network TV that we can take down a rung or two. There is absolutely no shortage of those.

Plus, the elections are just now getting revved up, so there will be plenty of political commentary and punditry we will be bringing you that you know us so well for. Don’t worry, this fifth year has a good chance to be our best one yet. At least until the next year.

You are now informed. Go and do likewise. Continue reading

The World Has Lost A Great Advocate And Brilliant Example Of Harnessing The Power Of Spite

Hiroo Onoda

Hiroo Onoda has been given the The Daily Quarterly: Harnessing The Power of Spite to Achieve Your Goals award for longest continuous act of spite.

We aren’t sure what recent news announcement saddened us more: the arrest of Justin Beiber in Miami or the death of Japanese soldier Hiroo Onada at the age of 91.

For those of you few who don’t know, Onada was the last Japanese soldier to surrender and spent 29 years after the end of World War II in a jungle in the Philippines carrying out his orders to spy on US troops.

He refused to believe the war had ended and would not surrender, despite several instances of leaflets being dropped from planes over the jungle and trips by relatives of his to the jungle and their pleas over loudspeakers for him to come out.

It finally took the Japanese government tracking down and sending his former commanding officer to the jungle to order him to come out that Onada walked out of the jungle on March 11, 1974.

He was that determined to show that he was the perfect soldier, that he would only obey the chain of command, not listen to some farmer non-military person on an island Onada had been sent to do his sworn duty at.

Just for a second, try to look past the whole fact that he was a Japanese soldier trained and conditioned to hate and destroy Americans and everything we stand for. Take that off the table, and you can’t deny that he was, without a doubt, the poster child for spite.

This cat Hiroo is a hero in the spite movement, and ought to be remembered as such. He was trained to obey orders blindly and loyally, without question. He wasn’t about to be fooled by the enemy’s tricks or lured out from his post by the lies about the possibility the war had ended.

Onada harnessed the power of spite and hung tough in the jungle for nearly three decades relying on his training, cunning and highly developed sense of spite.

Les Stroud made an entire career of surviving in the jungle for a week or ten days at a time. Try 29 years, bro. Twenty-nine spiteful years.
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World’s Most Famous Door-To-Door Salesman And William H. Macy Inspiration Bill Porter Dies At 81

Bill Porter

Bill Porter, right, met RECOiL writer/direct Brian DiMaio during a sales call in the mid 80’s. When Porter learned DiMaio was writing a film he insisted DiMaio write a part for him. DiMaio said a salesman had no place in the film industry. Porter was persistent and even provided a modified version of the script in which Porter played a starring role. The plot change involved a gangster and law-man playing an intense game of cat and mouse. After some initial screen tests DiMaio rejected the script changes as “amateurish” and, instead, gave Porter a minor role playing himself making a sales call that was later cut. Porter would go on to sell the script to Michael Mann who updated the script for a film called Heat.

Portland, OR—Bill Porter, portrayed in the Emmy Award-winning TV movie, “Door to Door” by William H. “Fargo” Macy, has died. He was 81.

Despite having cerebral palsy and walking with great difficulty, Porter harnessed the power of spite to achieve his goals and was the top salesman for years in a four-state area for J. R. Watkins products, selling his wares door to door throughout Portland.

He first came to national attention in 1995 when his life was written about in The Oregonian newspaper, back when people actually read newspapers. He was then written about in Readers Digest when it was still a decent publication. Porter also portrayed himself in the film, “RECOiL.”

Macy portrayed Porter in 2003 on TNT, before they started solely running reruns of “Castle.” Continue reading

After Today, The Daily Quarterly’s Terrible Twos Begin- Consider Yourselves Warned

2 Years of The Daily Quarterly.

The cake maker refused to put a tobacco pipe on a two year old’s birthday cake. We tried to explain but we got into this whole big thing.

Put your party hats on, people! It’s the second anniversary of The Daily Quarterly! Woot woot!

We’ve broken a lot of news, fixed a lot of stories and even written a book in two short years, and it’s all for you, our beloved, loyal readers. We know you’re grateful, honest, but that doesn’t mean you need to stop sending us those checks.

Two years, though, is nothing when you consider our long-term goal of news and internet and internet news domination. Shoot, the “Monkees” TV show lasted just two years, and look what all they accomplished. We have no plans whatsoever of quitting this juggernaut like those daydream believers did after just two years.

Of course, it helps that neither of us have an ego like Peter Tork’s.

So what’s next for The Daily Quarterly, you ask? Well, cheer up sleepy Jean, we’ll continue to promote our first book, “Harnessing The Power of Spite to Achieve Your Goals,” as well as working on our second book, which we hope to have out sometime this summer.
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TDQ Investigates: “Harnessing The Power Of Spite To Achieve Your Goals,” The Book That Will Change The World

If you think this cover looks awesome on here, you should see it up close and personal by buying your copy today.

The two most common questions we get asked here at TDQ are, “Hey, when are you guys going to write a book?” and, “You guys actually think you’re capable of writing a book?”

Well, now both questions have an answer, and it’s the same answer. After researching the topic for 35 years, we have finally completed work on the book destined to change the world: “Harnessing the Power of Spite To Achieve Your Goals: The Self-Help Book They Said We Couldn’t Write.”

We’ve done all the work. Now it’s up to you to take what we’ve learned and condensed into 152 pages to finally get everything you’ve ever wanted out of life. Some people might think there are too many self-help books on the market. To them we say, “You’re right, jerk. There are too many. This is the only one anybody will ever need ever again. So buy it and throw out all the other ones you’ve got taking up space on that dusty book shelf.”

For just $6.99 plus shipping and handling, you can finally have what is destined to be the most influential, monumental, best-selling self-help book of all time. Continue reading