Harrison Ford Blames Navicomputer For Plane Crash On California Golf Course

Harrison Ford Golf Course Crash

A craft piloted by smuggler Harrison Ford set down hard in a sand trap at the Penmar Golf Course. Course representatives say they will hold Ford responsible for replacing his divot.

Santa Monica, CA—Preliminary reports as well as released radio transmissions indicate that actor Harrison Ford, best known for portraying Indiana Jones in “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls,” is blaming his airplane’s navicomputer for his crash on a California golf course Thursday afternoon.

Ford’s press agent released a statement quoting the 72 year-old thespian and star of “The Mosquito Coast,” who explained the intricacies of air flight, saying, “Traveling through hyperspace ain’t like dusting crops, boy! Without precise calculations we could fly right through a star or bounce too close to a supernova, and that’d end your trip real quick, wouldn’t it?”

It is unclear at this point what exactly caused the crash, with the NTSB still investigating. But sources close to the investigation, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, are also blaming the plane’s controls, which would back up the “Sabrina” star’s conversation with airport employees near the crash site.

Recordings of radio transmissions made between Ford and air traffic controllers showed Ford insisting everything had returned to normal working order, with the actor saying, “We had a slight malfunction, but uh… everything’s perfectly all right now. We’re fine. We’re all fine here now, thank you. How are you?”

A hospital spokesperson confirmed Ford’s condition yesterday, saying “Yes, he’s alive, and in perfect hibernation.”

When asked to describe the aircraft being flown by Ford at the time of his crash, his publicist again quoted Ford, who said of the Clone War II vintage craft, “She’ll make point five past lightspeed. She may not look like much, but she’s got it where it counts, kid. I’ve made a lot of special modifications myself.”

Ford’s publicist ended his press release by quoting the “What Lies Beneath” actor, who remained in stable condition at last reports, as re-iterating, “I shot first! Remember, I shot first!” Continue reading

TDQ Industries Announces Earth Day BBQ And Golf Course Groundbreaking

TDQ Earth Day Extravaganza

TDQ Earth Day Extravaganza

Orlando, FL—TDQ Industries has announced its first annual Earth Day BBQ and groundbreaking ceremony to celebrate construction of its new golf course near Orlando in wetlands between exits 104 and 108 of I-4 near Lake Monroe. There will be water skiing on Lake Monroe as well as golf contests and a bounce house right on the shore.

“We’re very excited about this event,” said Vince Morrison, spokesman for TDQ Industries. “We’re having the golfing contest sponsored by BP with prizes donated by Exxon-Mobil as well. But the grand prize-I’m so excited about this-the grand prize is a Hummer!”

The contest will test both accuracy and distance, Morrison said. Participants will hit their golf balls at Styrofoam targets set out on the lake, “and we’re talking name-brand, nice golf balls, here,” said Morrison. “I can’t say the name, but golfers will be very pleased, even though the balls will end up getting lost in the lake.” Continue reading