New Book Rips Poor, Innocent, Likeable Matt Lauer

Matt Lauer

Matt Lauer: Soley responsible for everything bad in the world? Some say yes.

New York—A new tell-all e-book is coming out next week aimed at exposing all the wrongs “Today Show” host and current most-hated man on the planet Matt Lauer is responsible for. It’s entitled, “Matt Lauer Thinks You’re A Big Fat Jerk, Worse, Even, Than Ann Curry,” and it’s being published by Bridge Publications.

Just a few of the evils mentioned in the book that he is 100% responsible for include:

Matt Lauer was behind the Manti Te’o hoax. Matt Lauer reduced the amount of cookies in each box of Girl Scout cookies. Matt Lauer formed the band “Nickelback.”

It was Matt Lauer who decided that Netflix should charge more money for fewer movies. Matt Lauer owns Groupon. And Myspace.

Matt Lauer hacked your Twitter account and sent all those weight loss pill tweets. Matt Lauer introduced John Gosselin to Kate. And then be broke them up.

Matt Lauer cancelled “Arrested Development,” “Firefly” and “Veronica Mars.” Matt Lauer sent E.T. home. Matt Lauer started all the negative press about Lolo Jones. Matt Lauer shot J.R. Both times.
Continue reading

Iran Confident Successful Monkey Space Flight Is Next Step In Reaching Planet Of Pandora By 2020

Ahmadinejad

Ahmadinejad speech has been hailed as “unique”, “original”, and “not at all derivative of Western history or pop culture” by Iranian critics.

Tehran, Iran—When news broke last week that Iran had successfully launched a monkey into space and safely returned him back to his cage at the Tehran Busch Gardens, leaders of the moderate, pro-USA country saw the breakthrough as just getting one step closer to leaving Earth and completing a space flight to the planet of Pandora.

Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said in a speech to the Tehran Knights of Columbus earlier this week that he and his government are not monkeying around. They are confident they can reach Pandora by the year 2020, and outlined his vision for a world where Iran can fly into space: “There is no strife, no prejudice, no national conflict in Pandora as yet. Its hazards are hostile to us all. Its conquest deserves the best of all mankind, and its opportunity for peaceful cooperation may never come again. But why, some say, Pandora? Why choose this and its unspoiled reserves of Unobtainium as our goal? And they may well ask why climb the highest mountain? Why, five years ago, use a telephone with no wires? Why does Sepahan play Tractor Sazi for the Persian Gulf Cup?
Continue reading