Jack Gleeson, Natalie Dormer To Star In “Princess Bride” Remake

The Princess Bride

With any luck an entire generation won’t even know or care it was a remake. Like the following films: Godzilla (1998), Planet of the Apes (2001), The Manchurian Candidate (2004), Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005), Clash of the Titans (2010), The Karate Kid (2010), Arthur (2011), Godzilla (2014)

Hollywood—Fans of the incredible chemistry between “Game of Thrones” favorites King Joffrey and his bride Margery can finally rejoice, as Sony confirmed yesterday that they will once again star together in the remake of “The Princess Bride.”

Jack Gleeson and Natalie Dormer were confirmed as cast as Westley and Princess Buttercup yesterday in the remake, set to be directed by Fred Savage. It will be Savage’s first time behind the camera on a major motion picture. But at least he is familiar with the material, having played “The Grandson” in the original.

Denzel Washington has been cast as Inigo Montoya, the swash-buckling swordsman searching the world over for the six-fingered man who murdered his father. Former NBA star Yao Ming has been cast as Fezzik, the friendly, rhyming giant.

“The irresistible spark seen onscreen between Jack and Natalie in the HBO show, ‘Game of Thrones’ will no doubt be visible and likely even flourish more under the astute direction of Fred Savage” a press release issued by Sony said.

Thomas Middleditch has signed on to play Miracle Max, and Kaley Cuoco has been cast as his long-suffering wife, Valerie. Stephen Root has been cast to play the brilliant kidnapper Vizzini. Nick Offerman will play the role of Prince Humperdinck.

Filming is set to begin next month, with a tentative release date of Christmas 2017. “With little to no movie competition set for December 2017, we have no doubt this movie will perform just great the box office,” Sony said.

Savage said that the studio has been “harassing me, like, literally, harassing me” about directing a remake for years. He said he hoped his TV show, “The Grinder” would serve as the perfect excuse to beg out of involvement in the movie. “But the damn critics saw to it that I now have a hell of a lot of extra time on my hands, and a family to take care of. Inconceivable.”


Blimey! Study Finds That Less Than One In One Hundred Americans Understand What Exactly Makes Up The United Kingdom

United Kingdom Quiz

Responses to the United Kingdom Quiz were varied, to say the least. One respondent just wrote “YOLO!” on the form in yellow highlighter.

St. Louis, MO—A new study published last week in a well-regarded geographical academic journal has found that a mere .7% of adults in the United States can successfully explain the makeup of The United Kingdom, and understand that, as Wikipedia states, The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, commonly known as the United Kingdom (UK) or Britain, is a sovereign state located off the north-western coast of continental Europe. The country includes the island of Great Britain, the north-eastern part of the island of Ireland, and many smaller islands.

Washington University’s Dr. Milton Stuckey and his team conducted the study, and while Dr. Stuckey said he “didn’t have astronomical hopes for the study” when he began, he was still “a little taken aback by the results, to be quite honest.”

Dr. Stuckey’s study found “one response that stated the person thought England was a city in London, which, while mildly amusing, is actually more sad than anything else.”
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