TDQ Investigates: The Coca-Cola Freestyle Machine, AKA The Devil’s Soda Fountain

Coca Cola Freestyle

It should be no surprise that earlier iterations of the Freestyle allowed 666 flavor combinations; If you count Diet-Vanilla-Grape-Ginger-Tea-Ale as a flavor that is.

I knew the first time I saw it that it was gonna be trouble. It was only a matter of time.

The Coca-Cola Freestyle soda fountain, now seen in pretty much every damn fast food restaurant in America, was first introduced in 2009 and touts that it offers more than 100 different types of fountain drinks on its touchscreen display. Like an iPad attached to a soda fountain.

The selling point is that now consumers can mix and match and add flavors to their soft drinks that heretofore they could only dream about. But the problem with that is, mainstream fast food patrons of America aren’t capable of concocting soda fountain drinks on their own. There is a reason Coke and Pepsi and those other companies employ R&D gurus and spend all that money on focus groups and stuff. They know what they’re doing, and we don’t.

“It let me make Diet Orange Coke,” TDQ co-founder Karl Fields said recently. “I was at the same time embarrassed at myself for trying to think outside the box and angry at the Coke people for letting me even try it. As I cursed myself while driving home what seemed like an eternity later, it occurred to me that there’s no Diet Orange Coke on the shelves. They knew!” Continue reading

Another Top Ten List: Questionable Doctors

Doctors

These “doctors” share a host of similarities including high hair lines, pet cats, glasses and prominent hand gestures.

Since our list of top ten movies was such a hit, we thought we’d toss this list out, and see who salutes. (That’d be a good list too, Top Ten Mixed Metaphors! Write that down…) This is a list of people who, for one reason or several, seem to not exactly scream “MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL” despite being known as “Doctor.” Take a look, and we’ll send you our bill when you’re finished.

Dr Pepper (soft drink) – He doesn’t even have a period after “Dr.” What the hell is that all about? Major red flag. (Full disclosure, I can’t stand the drink, either. Coke is it!)

Dr. Dre (rapper, producer) – Sure, he’s successful and rich and has launched the careers of a bunch of other artists, but I don’t think I’d want him cutting me open or prescribing me meds. Is “Dre” short for something? Continue reading