Banana Lobbyists Pushing To Distance Fruit From Connotation Of Insanity

Harry Belafonte for the Coalition for Banana Conservancy

This gig isn’t just a paycheck for Mr. Belafonte. He truly wishes to disassociate bananas with insanity.

Washington, DC—Once again, the Big Fruit lobbyists are out in full swing, glad-handing politicians and the public alike, this time in an effort to remove the connotation of insanity linked to America’s favorite yellow fruit, the banana.

“For too long now, for decades, for as long as I can remember, people have slurred the good name of the potassium-loaded, underrated, delicious fruit,” said Charles “Chiquita” Newberry, founder and leader of the Coalition for Banana Conservancy, the largest banana lobby in Washington. “And it sickens me. It literally sickens me.”

Newberry said insanity is no laughing matter, though to associate mental illness with a nutritional mainstay is ridiculously hilarious. “Unfortunately, I have no sense of humor, or so my ex-wife tells me.”

Newberry said he thought for some time that the banana was doing a good job on its own of “moving away from the small-mindedness and bigotry, and then that no-talent one trick pony Gwen Stefani puts out a hit song that ruined everything.”
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