January Marked By Being Utterly, Completely Un-Newsworthy

Nothing Happening in January 2017

Nothing Happening in January 2017.

As the first month of 2017 comes to a close, we look back to note how absolutely nothing newsworthy happened in the United States for the entire month. Nothing of note. 

Indeed, not much happened throughout the entire world in the first 31 days of 2017.

In an unprecedentedly slow month, nothing exciting, interesting or history-making took place in any populated area on the planet. No major news whatsoever. 

Not since the BBC announced during their evening news program on April 18, 1930 that there was no news, and played piano music during the whole program has there been such a dearth in news. 

Aside from an unexplained rise in mattresses being stolen from Boulder, CO, which really isn’t even a blip on the news radar, there wasn’t anything that took place worth taking up valuable news space. 

If not for our close personal friend Erich Mrak putting out another awesome song, and two celebrity deaths, we could have taken the entire month off and tried to shed some of this holiday weight. Truth be told, we should have spent 12 hours a day in the gym rather than the 12 hours a day we spent sitting by the wire hoping for news to break.

Of course, we did find the time to go see “Rogue One.” And can we take a quick minute to say how hot Felicity Jones looked in that movie? I mean, seriously. She even made us want to watch “Inferno” just to see her in that. Boy, what a twist in that movie, huh?

Speaking of Tom Hanks movies, we haven’t yet seen “Sully.” You guys seen “Sully” yet? Probably should have made time to see that at least once if I can make time to go see “Rogue One” like 11 times. Though, to be fair, “Sully” doesn’t have Felicity Jones. Though, on the other hand, Laura Linney is in “Sully.” She’s still got it. No doubt.

But anyway, here’s hoping February brings in some newsworthy event. Or at least that February gives us the time to go see Hanks land a plane in the Hudson River.

Famed Robot And Ewok Kenny Baker Passes Away At 83

Kenny Baker

Kenny Baker, bottom, with Brian DiMaio, middle, and Peter Mayhew, top, at an event promoting Return of the Jedi. DiMaio was told that his droid character ICUP-3O was going to replace C-3PO in the next Star Wars Episode due in 1986. Suffice to say that many were disappointed.

Lancashire, UK—Kenny Baker, who beep-beep-bopped his way into the hearts of millions of “Star Wars” fans acting inside R2-D2, has died after a long illness. He was 83.

Standing only three feet, eight inches tall, he also played the Ewok Paploo in “Return of the Jedi.”

Besides his very important parts in the first six “Star Wars” films, he also appeared in such films as “Time Bandits,” “Flash Gordon,” “RECOiL” and “Labyrinth.”

On television, Baker appeared in such programs as “Casualty,” “The Muppet Show,” “The Goodies” as well as a BBC production of “The Chronicles of Narnia.”

He was credited as a consultant in the most recent “Star Wars” film, “The Force Awakens.”

So far, no comment has been provided by his “Star Wars” co-star and well-known douche bag Anthony Daniels.

He is survived by two children.