Evidence of A-Rod’s performance enhancing drug use? (You should have seen the caption the editor rejected: “Deer antler spray making A-Rod horny?” There’s no way he was going to let us print that.)
Miami—Much like his recent performance on the field, New York Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez came out swinging (and missing) yesterday after yet another newspaper article broke linking him, yet again, to performance-enhancing drugs.
An article in the Miami New Times linked Rodriguez, as well as several other major league players including Melky Cabrera, to a clinic in Miami that allegedly provided HGH and other banned substances to both professional and amateur athletes in several sports.
After somebody on his staff read the article to him, Rodriguez issued a rambling non-statement kind of addressing…something. Here is his statement: “It just hurts me so much, that my hometown paper would come out with such a report. That me and myself and my fellow professional athletes could give so much back, do so much for our hometown community, and be treated in such a manner such as this, well, it breaks my heart. I’m speechless, I truly am, that such a thing could occur. I thought I was past having to admit to taking banned substances when I admitted in 2009 that I had lied for years before. But now, there are people who want me to do it all over again. The whole reason I admitted it at that time was so that I wouldn’t have to go through this again. Peter Gammons told me then that irregardless of whatever I might take in the future, I’d only have to do that one confession.” Continue reading →
Chipper Jones is seen trying things on for size, so to speak.
New York—Reports are coming out of New York that the Yankees were interested in replacing Alex Rodriguez with Chipper Jones at third base before the July 31st trade deadline after the Yankees slugger and admitted steroid cheat and philanderer broke his left hand and is likely lost for the rest of the season.
Yankee management has not denied reports that they had contacted Atlanta GM Frank Wren about the possibility of “renting” Jones for the last two months of the regular season. Wren could not be reached for comment. Continue reading →
New York—It’s about time, Alex Rodriguez. You’ve been able to afford this for years, but for some reason, in the past you had taken it upon yourself to lie to reporters about using steroids and lie to your wife about cheating on her. Now you’ve finally hired somebody to lie on your behalf about your poker playing, though they admitted later (how many stories about you have the phrase “admitted later?”) that you did play, but the stories coming out about you playing contained “factual inaccuracies.” Continue reading →
A-Rod, hitting a bag full of puppies. (Allegedly.)
London—Publishers of the tabloid “The Daily Mirror” have come under fire after the front page of the April 29th edition of the paper showed a photo of New York Yankee star Alex Rodriguez during a baseball match and the accompanying headline asking if he used his baseball bat to strike a bag full of puppies. The story went on to explain that no, he didn’t hit any of the puppies with the bat, but many critics of the paper are wondering why the photo and headline ran the way it did in the first place. Continue reading →