TDQ Investigates: The “Good Morning America” #TeaLizard Flap

#TeaLizard

#TeaLizard is obviously a Budweiser frog.

So the other morning, some nitwit with the password for ABC’s “Good Morning America’s” Twitter account embarrassed the show, the network and humanity in general by inexplicably calling famous and not-so-famous memes by the wrong name, including somehow using the #hashtags “#smockin and #TeaLizard and the internet understandably went nuts.

We get it, #GoodMorningAmerica, we do. Not everyone can be as up on their memes as we are here. And that frog does sort of look like the GEICO lizard thing. But even though he sounds British, that isn’t him drinking tea in the famous meme. It’s obviously one of the Budweiser frogs from the late 1990s “Bud-Wise-Er” ad campaign drinking tea. And that’s what makes the meme funny. Clearly.

Game of Thrones

A classic Game of Thrones meme.

Memes are tricky to stay on top of. Like the one with the dude from “Game of Thrones.” Not everybody knows that the original line is “One does not simply become the Hand of the King and solve his murder without getting beheaded in front of his daughter #SpoilerAlert.” But it was.

Or back in the early days of memes, when one of our favorites was making the rounds, the  #You’reTheManNowDog. Which of course, was a phrase uttered by Sean Connery to Goldfinger in the classic James Bond film, Dr. No. We love us some #JamesBond.

Dr No

The biggest question since the inception of this Dr. No meme is “who is the man, now?” Goldfinger or James Bond?!

Though, admittedly, we don’t know what the heck the GMA Twitter account guy was talking about when they hashtagged #smockin. Maybe it’s a really old guy trying to show how hip he is. Maybe he’s really a huge #JimCarrey fan. We will have to research the #MaskMeme.

Smockin'

Sometimes the image and text from classic memes can get mixed up. GMA surely meant to use this classic Smockin’ meme.

And as for not knowing that it was a dang frog drinking tea, maybe he’s a millennial who has no recollection of the Budweiser frogs and how the landscape of beer advertising was changed when they croaked their utterances.

Or maybe the internet is right and he’s just a massive tool.

But that’s none of our business.

You are now informed. Go and do likewise.

Carrie Underwood’s Back Killing Men In Her Songs. Again.

Carrie Underwood

Carrie Underwood: Singer. Songwriter. Murderess?

Two years ago we expressed our fear of multi-award winning recording artist and former “American Idol” winner Carrie Underwood and her anti-bad-man music. And now the wife of that hockey player guy is at it again with her latest single, “Church Bells.”

This latest ditty again tells the tale of a wronged, beaten woman, who takes the law into her own hands, as Carrie Underwood so often does, as she clearly feels this is a proper solution. After the backstory in the song tells about how the woman obviously married “Game of Thrones'” King Joffrey, Underwood practically teaches a class in murder, Shonda Rhimes-style.

Jenny slipped something in his Tennessee whiskey
No law man was ever gonna find
And how he died is still a mystery

Good Lord. How many man-bashing killing songs does one artist have to release before she finds herself at the top of the list for every murder of a man in Nashville? Like, six? Will six songs be enough? Seven? How about seven?

It’s understandable that she’s angry about her husband’s team getting knocked out of the playoffs, but there has to be a more constructive way of venting her anger. Maybe knitting, or Crossfit. We’ve heard good things about those adult coloring books. Very soothing.

Bottom line is that she clearly has anger issues, and it’s probably a good thing her husband is a big, strong Canadian(?) guy. But there aren’t many strapping men like him in Music City. He may be able to fend off her murderous rage, but how many other guys there can?

All we can say is, watch your back, dudes of Nashville.

Watch your back.

You are now informed. Go and do likewise.

Carrie Underwood, Church Bells

Pick up Carrie Underwood’s new single Church Bells for some rockin’ tunes and a bonus recipe for murder.

The Daily Quarterly Turns Five, Kids!

Four score minus 75 years ago, we brought forth on this internet a news website, conceived in brilliance, and dedicated to the proposition that not all sources of where you get your news are created equal.

And it’s been a tremendous five years. With great interviews of great actors, rappers, award-winning writers, comedians, jewelers, fudge makers, liquor distributors, journalists and musicians. And insightful commentary and hard-hitting investigative news pieces that both local and national news organizations only dream of presenting.

We’ve taken down lying (or, “misremembering”) national nightly news anchors, uncovered corruption in both small town city halls and international city halls. We’ve brought you poignant obituaries of international luminaries, including sports figures, poets, film industry pioneers and people who successfully “EGOT”ed. We’ve exposed Illuminati plots, and we’re confident that we’re ever closer to taking down this fiendish, mysterious organization.

Through it all we’ve pushed the envelope with cutting-edge photographs, embracing state-of-the-art National Geographic-worthy illustrations and animation. And we’ve done it all for you, the reader. We knew what your lives lacked when we started this little enterprise five years ago with just $1.85 in our pockets, a train ticket to the big city, a couple of PCs and a big dream. And that dream continues to grow and to evolve.

We’ve met some great people along the way, who tell us everyday how much we’ve impacted their lives and how they view not only the internet, but the world itself. When we started this little site, we said, “If we can impact just one person, it will have all been worth it.” And we still feel that way, though we know we’ve changed and improved literally thousands of lives. But it’s nothing less than what you all deserve. Truly.

If the next five years can be nearly as awesome as these last five, we have no doubt the world and you and your family, no matter how small and insignificant, will be the better for it. All because of us.

You are now informed. Go and do likewise.

TDQ Investigates: The Lousy Lyrics In Darryl Worley’s “Sounds Like Life To Me”

LifeThis latest installment of songs with lousy lyrics takes a closer look at Darryl Worley’s 2009 drinking buddy song, “Sounds Like Life to Me.”

This diddy starts off with Worley’s pal’s wife calling him up to help her track down her alcoholic hubby, who’s gone AWOL. So Worley successfully finds him, and his pal explains why his life pretty much sucks:

Sarah’s old car’s about to fall apart
And the washer quit last week
We had to put momma in the nursing home
And the baby’s cutting teeth
I didn’t get much work this week
And I got bills to pay

So, being the ever-sympathic friend that he is, Worley responds to his friend’s plight with:

Sounds like life to me it ain’t no fantasy
It’s just a common case of everyday reality
Man I know it’s tough but you gotta suck it up
To hear you talk you’re caught up in some tragedy
It sounds like life to me

What a friend. I’d be a drunk too, if my best friend said this back to me after I just poured my heard out to him.

After his friend, Johnny Ray, goes on to tell Worley that his wife may be pregnant with their (unexpected, mind you) fourth child, Worley ends the song without giving any helpful, meaningful advice to his buddy by condescendingly telling him:

Man I know its tough but you gotta suck it up
To hear you talk you’re caught up in some tragedy
Sounds like life to me
Sounds like life Continue reading

TDQ Investigates: Horrible Lyrics In “Austin” By “The Voice’s” Own Blake Shelton

Blake Shelton

In 2001 Blake Shelton had a whole lot of hat, a whole lot of hair, and a whole lot of dreams.

This latest edition of terrible lyrics come to us from Mr. former Miranda Lambert himself, Blake Shelton. We take a look at his 2001 career-making hit, “Austin.”

Here’s the opening stanza:

She left without leavin’ a number
Said she needed to clear her mind
He figured she’d gone back to Austin
‘Cause she talked about it all the time
It was almost a year before she called him up
Three rings and an answering machine is what she got

Now, we know many of our readers have no idea what an answering machine is. Let’s start there. Imagine a separate machine you hook up your landline phone to so people can leave a voicemail on your phone that you only leave at the house. Got it?

Answering Machine

Artist’s impression of what a 2001 answering machine may have looked like.

Here’s the next verse, imagine it like your outgoing greeting:

If you’re callin’ ’bout the car I sold it
If this is Tuesday night I’m bowling
If you’ve got somethin’ to sell, you’re wastin’ your time, I’m not buyin’
If it’s anybody else, wait for the tone,
You know what to do
And P.S. if this is Austin, I still love you

Austin Calling

Blake is pretty sure that only one person is going to be calling from Austin. But, consider this: 2001 was in the Austin Powers sweet spot between The Spy Who Shagged Me and Goldmember. If Austin Powers had been calling it would have been perfectly fine to say, “I still love you.”

Clever. But just think about the hassle of having to change your voicemail greeting more than just every time you upgrade your phone. Because it’s different just a few days later:

If it’s Friday night I’m at the ballgame
And first thing Saturday, if it don’t rain
I’m headed out to the lake
And I’ll be gone, all weekend long
But I’ll call you back when I get home
On Sunday afternoon
And P.S. If this is Austin, I still love you

We understand losing a girlfriend. But let’s think about it for a minute.

Seems to me like he’s got a real good thing going on. He bowls when he wants to, goes to the game on Friday night and spends his entire weekend at the lake. Reckon when was the last time he could do all that without running it by Austin herself or somebody else? Why give that up? It’s nuts.

The song ends with them finally talking on the phone. Remember, this was 2001, before Facebook and Twitter and even Instagram. It was way, way harder to stalk someone online back then. Maybe that was the attraction. Who knows.

We sure think he should have left well enough alone, though.

You are now informed. Go and do likewise.