About Michael Wasson

Born in a log cabin somewhere in Massachusetts, Mr. Wasson pulled himself up by his bootstraps and has never used public funding for any of his endeavors.

Mitt: “I’ll Give It One More Try, But That’s Definitely It.”

The concession phone call from Romney to Obama Tuesday night was the most cordial conversation the two have had in months.

Boston—Only mildly disappointed by the results of Tuesday night, Mitt Romney this morning decided he “might as well” keep on campaigning for 2016.

“This is kind of what I do now,” Mitt stated, surrounded by his family. “I haven’t had a real job since 1996.”

President Obama chuckled when he heard this on the traditional congratulatory call.  “That Mitt is a fighter!” Obama praised. “I told him we should have a place for him in the cabinet, but Mitt just wouldn’t have it! He was like, ‘2016 Barry, it’s all about 2016 now.’

Obama joked that he could lift term limits like Chavez did in Venezuela and stay on for another couple of terms. Continue reading

Chief Justice John Roberts Believed To Be Hiding Out In Key West

Chief Justice JohnRoberts

Experts believes Key West is the best place to hide from the US Ultra-Right not because Roberts will blend in but rather because ultra conservatives won’t venture that far South due to its high concentration of sun, fun, margarita bars, and open mindedness. Local residents are known for their tolerance of sexual orientation and prior Supreme Court voting history.

After siding with the liberal justices of the Supreme Court when issuing the landmark Obamacare constitutionality decision on Thursday, Chief Justice John Roberts is believed to be hiding in one of the country’s most liberal strongholds – Key West, FL.Roberts inflamed hundreds, if not thousands, of diehard conservatives by allowing the majority of President Obama’s landmark Patient Care Act to remain intact even though he, himself, said the individual mandate requirement did not have a constitutional grounding.

Experts believes Key West is the best place to hide from the US Ultra-Right not because Roberts will blend in but rather because ultra conservatives won’t venture that far South due to its high concentration of sun, fun, margarita bars, and open mindedness. Local residents are known for their tolerance of sexual orientation and prior Supreme Court voting history.
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Al Gore Spotted Pumping Gas

Al Gore

Before anyone makes any snap judgments we feel it is important to remind everyone that it isn’t, currently, illegal to purchase gasoline.

Washington, D.C. – Former Presidential candidate Al Gore was spotted at a neighborhood BP this morning pumping premium gas into his 2013 Beemer 5 series, a cinnamon crueller in his front pocket.

Gore seemed surprised when he spotted our camera, and quickly pulled the crueller out of his pocket and dumped it into the front seat of the luxury German vehicle.

“We need to move on from these gasoline-consuming vehicles!,” Gore shouted, attempting to laugh off the embarrassing situation.  “This is actually my wife’s car!”
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Herman Cain: “I’m Back, B*tches”

Herman Cain

Herman Cain is prepared to give the United States an offer it can’t refuse. (I have to think this joke has been made before.)

Washington, DC—One time Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain shocked the media at a press conference yesterday by announcing he is re-entering the contest for the Republican Nomination for President of the United States.

“Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, so my campaign for President is returning from the ‘ashes’ of its former self,” Cain stated, believed to be referring to his widely mocked YouTube ad in which his campaign manager is seen smoking while the song “I Am America” plays in the background.

“The gentleman in that advertisement has been relieved of his duties as campaign manager, and I have a new campaign manager on board who, I assure you, is a non-smoker.”
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Palin to Couric: New Show “Sarah” Will “Knock That Little Munchkin Back Off The Air”

Katie and Sarah

We have sourced these promotional images that are believed to lend credence to a Sarah Palin talk show. It appears there are still some details to work out.

Hollywood— Three days after long-time Today show host Katie Couric announced her new syndicated daytime talk show “Katie,” Sarah Palin has countered by announcing a “much better” show aptly named “Sarah.”

“I won’t rest until that little freak is off the air and laying in a grave next to her husband,” a surprisingly worked-up Palin commented.  “No one embarrasses the Palin family.”

Back in 2008, Couric made the mistake of asking Palin what magazines and newspapers she reads.  This seemingly innocent question has led to a 5-year-and-counting mission by Sarah Palin to counter and humiliate Couric at every turn.
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