Plano, TX—The nasty, horrible, disgusting, awful quality over the past few years of Pizza Hut pizza is finally having a disastrous effect on young peoples’ literacy, as more and more students across the country are refusing to read, protesting the “prize” of a personal pan pizza from the pizza chain for reading books as part of the BOOK IT! reading program. Educators across the country have expressed their concerns about the future of reading as they witness children reject the program itself.
The BOOK IT! program started in 1984, and according to the propaganda on their website, 14 million children suffer from their horrendous pizza annually.
“It’s sad, really, and I’m really very concerned, honestly,” said 4th grade teacher Janelle Howard. “I get it, though. Don’t get me wrong. I refuse to eat their pizza, too. I’d rather drink drain de-clogger. But I do worry about my kids’ reading skills.”
“I’ve had both students and parents alike tell me that the incentive of a free Pizza Hut pizza is an absolute turn-off,” said another educator who asked to remain anonymous. “It’s a non-starter. Students are rebelling and refusing to read altogether. I’ve had free pizza certificates thrown back in my face after I tried to give them to students, and I’ve even had my car vandalized with personal pan pizzas thrown and dumped all over it. Truth be told, I’m concerned for my safety.”
Other teachers have said they first started to note a problem a few years ago, when their students started missing days after redeeming their free pizza coupons. That led to mutinies nationwide as students stopped using the coupons as a reaction to the downward spiral of the quality of the pizza chain’s pizza.
Pizza Hut refused to comment for this story on either their horrible, inedible pizza or the fact that it is a real, frightening possibility that they may single-handedly destroy the art and joy of reading for the nation’s youngsters.