SeaWorld Caves To Crazy Animal Rights Activists And Agrees To Get Rid Of Killer Whale Shows; Will Replace Them With False Killer Whale Shows

New SeaWorld Promo

SeaWorld wants the activists to know they have won. The message is clear. No more killer whale shows.

San Diego—SeaWorld, in a move to rebuild its brand and combat declining attendance, announced yesterday that it will phase out its traditional Shamu show in San Diego and replace it with a show that is less about tricks and more about traditional entertainment, just with big, funny-looking fish.

Next year will be the last for the theatrical performances involving hoops and throwing fish and coming in 2017 will be what SeaWorld Entertainment describes as an entirely new orca experience, designed to take place in a more natural setting with brick background walls, microphones and two drink minimums. The announcement, made during a presentation by senior SeaWorld executives, is part of a multi-faceted effort by the Orlando-based company to refocus the public’s attention on its “conservation efforts” while also growing revenues and stabilizing the business of exploiting giant ocean-going creatures. And also to get PETA and the other animal rights nuts off their backs.

New SeaWorld Whale Show

The new show, which does not include killer whales, will be different from the circus fare of yesteryear. Instead false killer whales will be performing alternate stand up comedy routines with very frank and honest perspectives. But these whales also kill on stage! (But not like the killer whales.)

CEO “Billy” Joel Manby, who joined the company in March, was short on specifics as to what the new orca shows will entail. He did stress, however, with a straight face even, that the decision to appease the critics of the theme park was not conceived as a way to appease its critics.

In a bid to boost its sinking attendance, which plunged 17 percent last year, the company said it will bring a new, “very marketable” attraction that it is certain will make at least most of the jackass tourists who plunk down good money to watch what is essentially just a big aquarium happy for a few hours, and let them forget about their tiny little lives.

“The real whales, they get to retire and the ‘other, special’ whales, they get the attention they’ve so desperately been seeking for a long, long time,” Manby said. “It’s literally a win-win. Literally.”

2 thoughts on “SeaWorld Caves To Crazy Animal Rights Activists And Agrees To Get Rid Of Killer Whale Shows; Will Replace Them With False Killer Whale Shows

  1. This is no different than orcas. These animals should not be taken from their families (they travel in pods consisting of relatives) in the wild and put into small tanks. Judging from the derogatory opinions this writer has of those wishing to free large marine mammals from unfit conditions, his small brain size would make him a much better candidate to do tricks for fish in these tanks. Now I would definitely pay money to see that!!

    • Thank you for your comment. As someone who has seen many, many whale trick shows, I can attest to the fact that these whales LOVED the attention they got from people in the audience. I shudder to think about how their lives are negatively impacted now that they don’t get that rush from performing in front of a live audience. Seeing the unadulterated joy and ecstasy on their huge, wet faces made the show that much more impactful as a fan, and it kills me that the activists worked so hard to take that away from these majestic creatures. But such is the world we live in. Next these activists will say that cutting down trees to print books like ours is a bad thing too.

      You are now informed. Go and do likewise.

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