We made the mistake recently of watching “The Deer Hunter” after years and years of hearing how great a movie it was. De Niro, Streep, Oscar for Christopher Walken, it had to be great, right? Wrong. Thus, we were inspired to come up with this list, the Top Ten movies that were not nearly as good as the critics would make you believe. Save yourselves the time and take the advice of this list, not another list compiled by an overpaid film critic. You’re welcome.
1) “The (aforementioned) Deer Hunter”- The wedding and reception portions of this film took longer than my wedding and a good chunk of my honeymoon. Performances were decent, but get to the point, already.
2) “Django Unchained”- We love Tarantino, and that Austrian guy was really good, but this is another example of a movie being at least a half hour too long.
3) “The Big Lebowski”- Not a fan of dream sequences in most films, and dream sequences in bowling alleys are even worse. Unfunny, unentertaining and a waste of Jeff Bridges’ talent altogether.
4) “Blade Runner”- Sorry Harrison Ford fans, but he set the bar so high with “Raiders of the Lost Ark” that it was a total shame that he made this overhyped mess. By far his worst science fiction flick, and maybe his worst movie not co-starring Anne Heche.
5) “Argo”- Don’t feel bad for Ben Affleck boys and girls. He still got his Oscar when this 2 1/2 hour remake of The Beastie Boys “Sabotage” video won Best Picture.
6) “The English Patient”- Elaine was dead on in “Seinfeld.” Enough with his damn stories about the desert and just die already.
7) “Avatar”- Pretentious much, James Cameron?
8) “Crash”- Too long, too bloated and who would really believe Sandra Bullock was a racist or that Brendan Fraser could be a district attorney?
9) “Lord of the Rings”- Take your pick. It doesn’t matter which one. They’re all terribly overrated. Hell, toss in “The Hobbit,” too.
10) “The Man of Steel”- Maybe there is a curse on this franchise. “Smallville” did right by the character, but for some reason, there hasn’t been a good “Superman” movie in 30 years. And this most recent attempt didn’t help matters.
You are now informed. Go and do likewise.