Doofus Thinks Successfully Climbing Mt. Everest Has Been Elaborate Hoax For 60 Years

Everest Denier

Roy Carley, a self proclaimed Everest denier, claims the deep pockets of the bottled oxygen industry is funding fake trips to the summit of Everest. Or, something like that.

Flint, MI—A self-described Everest expert said he has had enough with the lies and myths surrounding the climbing of the world’s tallest peak, and he’s going public for the first time to expose what he calls the sham, shame and thievery really behind a lie that’s been told for 60 years now.

Roy Carley, 41, said he has long been telling his friends and family that no one has ever truly, successfully climbed Mount Everest, despite the claim that its peak was reached in 1953.

“A buddy of mine changed his Facebook picture thing to some ridiculous image ‘celebrating’ 60 years since that fraud Ed Hillary supposably (sic) made it to the top of Mount Everest,” Carley said. “And I realized that the lie, this horrible, dangerous lie has finally got to stop. Once and for all. And I’m the guy to put an end to it.”

Carley said the proliferation of the myth of scaling Everest is what keeps the economy of Nepal in the black, and it’s rich mountain climbing tourists that put money in everybody’s pockets. So, even when climbers catch on to the fact they really aren’t climbing anything, they’re either threatened or bribed into keeping their mouths shut. “That’s why it supposably (sic) takes like, weeks, to go up Everest. If it only took one day, the Sherpas couldn’t move the exhausted, sleeping climbers either back down the mountain at night, or into sound stages that look like mountains that are actually built into the mountain. When you look at it critically, it’s almost too easy.”

Carley said local guides, the Sherpas, pretend to show the climbers the way up the mountain, but really are just paid by oxygen tank companies and camping gear conglomerates to keep the climbers busy until they run out of money.

“You ever meet anybody who climbed Everest?” Carley said. “No, you haven’t. And even if you had, you haven’t, because they are either lying or have been lied to. Spent, wasted, all that money to say they climbed something when they really just traipsed along some backwoods trail for days on end until their ‘guides’ (Carley air-quoted when he said the word guides) have decided they’ve had enough with this group and it was time to move on to the next group of tourist rubes.”

Carley said he has written a book to expose the truth about Everest, but has not been able to find a publisher yet. “Soon, though,” he said. “Soon.”

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