At Long Last Spring

"You are now informed.  Go and do likewise."Man, what a lousy winter that was. Just awful. Brutal all across the board. Thanks for nothing, Punxsutawney Phil.

But don’t worry. We here at The Daily Quarterly have seen you through it, and now with spring finally here, the sky’s the limit. Things are looking up.

Shake off that snow, change out that heavy coat for a nice cardigan in your closet a-la Mr. Rogers, and get ready to get back in the ball game.

Have faith that that long winter’s nap will lead to good things, good news and a renewed sense of awesomeness.

Don’t be held back by the cold, bitter, dark reality that faces you each and every morning and slaps you across the mouth before it spits in your coffee. You’re better than that. Probably. Maybe.

Forget how awful the world really is, with your lousy job, horrible dating prospects and bleak future. It’s spring, for Pete’s sake! If you can’t convince yourself that life will get better during this time of the year, when the hell else can you fool yourself into thinking the misery that greets you when you look in the mirror every morning while you brush your teeth in a futile exercise to keep the anxiety and self-doubt at bay will somehow one day disappear?

Spring is the perfect time to indulge in the self-delusion that your life actually has a meaning and a higher purpose, and we’re just the site to instill that self-delusion in you!

Just look at that loser golf guy Tiger Woods attacking spring. If a poor schlub like him with no prospects and no real job can hook up with that hot actress/ski person Lindsey Vonn, anybody can. We loved her as Silk Spectre II in “Watchmen.”

We’re just sayin.’

You are now informed. Go and do likewise.

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