Phineas Downey Looking For Heads To Roll Over Super Bowl Power Outage

Phineas Downey?

Is this the first known picture of Phineas Downey? We don’t know. It’s too dark.

New Orleans-Former “Deeder” Leader and world-class over-reactor Phineas Downey for some reason felt the need to weigh in on the events surrounding the Super Bowl and the 34-minute power outage that interrupted the game during the third quarter last week. It’s unclear if anyone associated with the NFL, the City of New Orleans or the Superdome contacted Downey, but there he was yesterday sticking his nose in the Crescent City’s business.

“I’m not all that familiar with the rules and traditions of football,” Downey said at a press conference, “or soccer as it’s called in the rest of the world, but from all the research I’ve done since this incident, it’s clear to me that someone made a huge mistake, they’re fortunate no one was seriously injured and somebody needs to go to jail for this grievous, terrible tragedy. It’s un-conscionable that no one has been arrested yet this long after the match was held in New Orleans, the town so lovingly referred to as The Large Easy.”

Downey went on to say he’s personally offended at the nickname of the New Orleans football team, the Saints, and plans to file a lawsuit after filing an injunction that he hopes will open up the team’s eyes and change the name “to something less offensive to those individuals that might be of a more secular persuasion, and feel uncomfortable saying that word, ‘saint,’ with such callous disregard for personal liberties and freedoms from an institution forcing religion on its constituents. How long has this name been around? It’s sad.”

Other gripes Downey had now that he’s got the NFL and the Super Bowl on his sad, pathetic radar include, “The offensiveness of the term ‘bootylicious’ I keep reading in reference to the young woman who performed a dance medley in the middle of the game, Ms. Beyonce Knowles. I would wager she has a successful career ahead of her, but if no one stands up for her now, she’ll go down as just a footnote. Sickening.”

And “The sexist messages and themes degrading women found in nearly every single commercial advertisement featured on TV during the game itself. Plus the racism surrounding that German automobile manufacturer trivializing and mocking Jamaican culture. No wonder the NFL is losing fans and sponsors left and right. It made me literally sick to my stomach watching the entire affair.”

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