Possibility Of Iranian Monkey Astronaut Being A Hoax The Last Straw For One Poor Guy

Iranian Monkey Spaceflight TestResults

In some ways the monkey appears to be in better condition than when he left.

Preston, ID—Amid the recent mea culpas in sports and entertainment, and the admissions of secret love children, the use of performance-enhancing drugs after years of denials and whatever the hell was happening with the Manti Te’o thing, one middle-aged man has said he’s finally done with any and all news if this whole Iranian monkey astronaut turns out to be a hoax, too.

News reports around the world have now called into question whether Iran really did send a monkey into space and return him to Earth safely, saying that photos released by Iranian news agencies before and after the flight apparently show two different monkeys as subjects.

And if that turns out to be the case, that yet another once-credible entity is lying, then Dave Hoover, 50, said he’s done, done for good, with any and all news reports.

“That’s it,” Hoover said. “I’m through, I’m out. First I got a cyclist, a cyclist for Heaven’s sake, taking drugs to ride faster. Then I have a college player lying about a dying girlfriend, not to mention all the baseball players who lied about cheating only to later either get caught cheating or admit cheating. And I don’t know what the hell to think about these people taking deer antler stuff. And Dan Marino? Along with Arnold Schwarzenegger and John Edwards? Next thing you’ll tell me that Charles Lindbergh had a secret family in Europe. I can’t take any more.”

Hoover said he can’t believe anything anybody does or says in the news anymore. He said he misses the good old days when nobody knew if the president was having affairs with Hollywood stars. He recently stopped buying his local newspaper, and hasn’t watched any cable news channels in months, getting his news from what he thought were legitimate, honest news agencies. But now, he’s fed up, he said. “If you can’t trust Iranian state news, who can you trust?”

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